fuck this shit and the shit it put me through and the hell i do in guilty sections of this certain part of town in the grimy back alley where I lost my virginity in a jumble of words and looks and wondering if i could really love another human being again like this and this and again and the pain brings the serenity down to my disheveled lips that brought the memory to my hips and I'm bleeding like a sieve and there's nothing left but wasted tears damn it's an epiphany they will always be too far away hard to reach by day and the nights are the ebony in the back of my eyes and I see you and all you're not worth all my time nothings mine and I'm scraping myself raw while blind when all along I was just trying to find my heart just trying to find my heart my heart is betraying me oh god you never do anything youre not anything the gum under the rail at the subway station but I can see it all and you're so far away