7.49pm I know I haven't written an entry in bloody ages. I've just got worse and worse at updating this thing. I hate the way I say exactly what everyone else says. I'm just another carbon copy of everyone else on this site. Nothing changes. Only my opinions. I went for a long walk, a week ago. It wouldn't matter much, apart from the fact that it was quite pretty. I had a headache and all I can think of to do anymore is watch TV or go on the computer. I'm sick of myself and I'm sick of the way I have no motivation. So I went on a walk. It was going to just be a brisk walk round the block [or as much as you can get of a block in a country village], but I went past a footpath I always used to go down as a kid and I just turned into it. I found myself by my dad's grave. I make it sound like I was 'led' there or something. But I cried. Which I haven't done for him for quite a while. I felt like such a damn fake. Everyone cries when their dad dies. Is it just me who forgot it this year then? I've been on holiday too. I love my family. As soon as I realise I love people, I wonder what I would do if they die. Happy thoughts. I just can't be bloody bothered.