I can't think

by damned
I'm confused... and a little upset. But I can get rid of those feelings by ignoring. So from now on I'm happy. Happy happy happy. All the fucking time. It's coming soon. I don't want it to. It's making her upset as well... I don't want her to be upset. She makes me upset. When she cries I can't stop myself. It's a reflex. You can't just not show any emotion. Especially when I feel like it's my fault. Why is it I notice when he's not there? No one else does. It's like there's a space which he leaves. There's no one for me to love. I can't find anyone to sneak glances at when I think no one's looking. Wait, I'm meant to be happy. That's right. My day was perfect. Of course it was. My life is always perfect. ----- Just grow up. You've survived all the other years.
Read 10 comments
rad diarie.

♥ jess.
hey hunny. its ok not to be happy. people dont expect you to be happy all the time, you're allowed to feel down. thats what we're here for - to help you when you're upset.
whats coming, that makes who upset? *has a vague idea but isnt sure*
ah yeah. i thought so. *huggles tightly*
im so sorry hun.
if you ever want to talk about it.. you know where to come.
true. but sometimes the older you get, the more you see the true consequences and meaning behind things. sometimes things dont lessen with age as they say, but do the opposite.
maybe, maybe not. it will give you something to hold on to. to see how he felt, and find out things he wanted to say to you. but on the other hand, it could do as you say and screw you up. try to look forward to it, and dont let it effect you too much, its all you can do hunny. 9 years is a long time. and im proud of you. *huggles some more*
yeah. wanting to get to know him is understandable. whatever happend with the letter try to look at it in a positive way. if you do get it, you got something from your dad, you get to know him more etc. if you dont get one then you wont be screwed up more, and you dont have the chance to find out something you'd really rather not.
I wish that I could be happy and stop thinking about things
c'est une rachel.

yeah i know i cant speak french. sssh.

how be you sweetie?
then you shall be in the scrap book m'dear.
all my mates are gonna be in there. susies writing a poem specially for it, and im puttin some others in too. aishas drawing a pic and i might put a story in there. so what do you wanna do hun?
i am thought.
[Anonymous]