5.29pm
The title was random, because I got the song in my head, but now it's made me think of the poster at the back of the History room that says:
"Every heart is a revolutionary cell."
Except it's in German.
It's from The Educators, which I really wanted to see at some point, but we never went to see it (that would be mum & me).
I was feeling a bit weird earlier but I'm actually much better now, which makes no sense with the way in which things have happened. Which is fun :)
Anyway...
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I'm just tired of things not meaning anything. Tired of saying things that are forgotten the next day. Tired of being the only person who remembers the good old days as if they were yesterday. I have some of the best friends I've ever had right now, and I just can't be as happy as I should be, and I don't even know why. I swear there's something wrong with me. For one thing, I write excessively emo entries when I could be preparing bible study, which actually matters. But preparing that right now makes me think of people having fun without me, and the selfish bitch part of me rears its ugly head and I just want to curl up and sleep. I suppose I just want my mum to come home now... She makes me soup and it makes me feel better.
I'm not sure my feelings even matter to me anymore. I go through the same rountine no matter how I feel, and I'm never going to remember all the stupid things that made me smile, and the stupider things that make me cry. Why do I do the things I do? I don't know anymore. I try and make myself a better person in my own strength because my faith seems to be failing me. Well, I say that, but it's getting better again now. Only because I make the effort.
Schoolwork always makes me think of the grades I could get if I tried.
Thank you, your kind words mean a lot and I think I decided
Karma does make it harder.
But it can also make it better...
I wish I didn't believe in that stuff, though.
Thanks, though.
♥//sharpie