i was just deleting some sent emails to make room in my inbox... it is way too crouded. i came across alot of old detailed emails to friends explaining various situations. god the things i said only a year ago makes me think how immature and hard to be around i was... well i know not to that extent but jeez. in one of the emails i had explained how i had 'partied w/college guys'. god it almost makes me sick... now i probably wouldnt go to a party and i wouldnt describe them as i once had... for crying out loud theyre not another species. i dont think about that now... some of the people i hang out with are way older or out of college... if i had heard that remark today i wouldve said who cares. i thought i always chose my friends for their maturity despite their age. i pick people who can understand and appreciate my maturity and also possibly understand that i may not have had all the life experience theyve had yet. i now realize why i may have severly frusterated this guy who will remain nameless... i was all mixed up and i dont think he scratched the surface so he couldnt understand this metamorphis that has taken place inside me... he still sees me the way i was... i want to keep in touch with him. i really think he is worth building a friendship with. i went through a lot in the time i knew him and he is part of my past that i dont necessarily want to leave behind.