How to explain without sounding like a typical girl? Well here goes it... I loved him... not in a I'm in love or a he's my brother/friend sort of way, in the romantic... not very commited way. It was that surface kind of love... Oh wait, better word for what I feel... Adoration. I adore him so hopelessly its so pathetic. And as all guys have turned out to be (at least in my life)I find myself royally fucked over and alone, though I don't have to be alone. I could call someone over right now to make it better but it'd still be the same when they leave. I am crushed, kicked to the curb. And it's my fault too... I know better than to get with guys such as those. I hate him in a halfhearted way. I'm pretty sure Brandon cheated on me... he also has chosen to not talk to me in over a week, i've tried calling, pretending nothing happened... and nothing did... he just decided to act this way. Believe me I've tried...to work it out... And ya know what... nada. I hate myself for not doing something when it was so clearly in my face... I hate that I could ever have liked someone this much who is deceitful and undeserving of everything that I could have given him. I was content with him. He still wont answer my calls. How fucking fantastic. I wanna cry. Besides what I've heard from other people Brandon's own BROTHER himself told me he treats girls like shit... and he doesn't like it. But god I remember those nights when I thought oh maybe he really, really likes me... and it hurts. I was talking to my step dad who by the way is an asshole... only to my mom. They aren't together anymore... but anyway I was talking to my step-dad and he told me he was proud of me... and that was a while ago. I hadn't talked to him in over a year... we have had a rough life together... we are similar in ways... i hate my step dad, i like him... it aches to talk to him, especially then. I was drunk. He didn't know. Brandon was there. He hugged me until he thought everything would be okay he listened to everything as I've wished SOMEONE would do. He is THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS EVER LISTENED TO ME THE WAY I NEED TO BE LISTENED TO... DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS TO GET IT TAKEN AWAY... AND TO THINK THAT I WAS CONTENT TO NOT TALK. AT ALL. EVER. JUST TO BE WITH HIM. I didn't use him for all he's worth, and that's not alot. His brother may have been a dick to some people around and gotten in trouble for it but the thing is he's still with his girlfriend and by the looks of it he treats her so well. I feel sorry for Brandon... who or what in his life made him such an asshole. I would've done anything for him. He could have used me so much more. But instead he doesn't talk to me. I HATE YOU. but i don't.