The beauty of not-knowing if he'll call is that it proves I'm human. I almost ache for him to call, and I know he won't but that hope, that is never put to rest. I don't know why, I am just human made of things you can touch and feel. I am real. He likes me. He wants me, he is chasing and I am lying here waiting, I could have something more. I don't know, thinking you love someone is a fickle thing. He was my first like, he is this appostle idea inside of me. We have good memories, I knew this would happen, so much for making your own fate. I cannot love anyone I haven't met before, my heart is shut from here on out, and I don't want it that way, it just is that way. I could barely kiss him and I think as soon as things were good, he was so good, my feelings died, and it wasnt' even denial, they evaporated like someone dead. I hate myself and I want to die. -NIRVANA my truest love obsession is a bitch- rock on come as you are...