it's break soon the routine will become again and again i will not have what i want... and what i need i don't know so i can't know if i'm getting it or not. all i know is that it's still empty. feelingless. exasterbates, is that how you spell it. being one hundred miles away from what you know best: home... well it exasterbates it. brings it on... not to mention i don't feel good. my glands (on my throat, so it doesn't sound nasty) are the size of golf balls, i kid you not. and the things running through my head are the size of something un-fathomable. not a word too, yeah i got it. so i don't know, i think i'll go take a shot of brandy. i'm so tired of people pretending they care or even thinking they care. people think too much. just breath and act spontaneously. so let's call him Brad, Brad's a good name. he doesn't understand. anything. ever. period. he is hurting so mightily that he cannot see through his self-pity cloud, which he doesn't know he has, to others around him. he is oblivious. what i'm using him for is clear what he wants is hazy. he wants all the feeling affection passion, yadda yadda a girlfriend brings but not the strings. i just wanna fuck you, no kissing and huggin.... it's a song. he needs time to heal and probably an STD check up to make sure the sluts he's getting with are clean. he needs a lot of fucking time and he just doesn't get that, he goes straight to the single life and is willing to put other people and their feelings on the line so he can get what he wants. it's not the physical it's the mental. i've done better. eric mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yummy k bye gotta go