You know those times when you're forced to do something that you really really really dread, but there's almost no way for you to weasel your way out of it, and you decide that it's one of those moments that define you as a person, where you must take responsibility for yourself, and you become one step closer to becoming a mature adult? Well this is one for me. I have to go to the strip club right now, Bee's gonna be there, and i have to tell him that i am not interested. i don't even know how i got myself into this mess in the first place. Oh right. CCG. But anyway, now i have to get myself out. I can't do that same shit i do every time: string him along until he either gets bored/ annoyed or so hurt that he leaves. But fuck i don't know what i'm going to say. I could tell him that CCG likes him and everything according the plan, but i want to be honest. Something i don't think i have ever been. And i'm gonna do it. Fuck. But i REALLY don't want to. I'm also hoping this honesty thing is going to somehow open up my eyes to something or other and i'll have better relationships with people from now on. But Honestly? now that i think of i probly won't. I'll just chicken out and avoid him for the rest of my life. NO! i can't say that or it'll happen! Come on, jay, what's wrong with you? you can do it it's not the end of the world. Oh but it really is for me... oy