I have absolutely no time to write in this anymore, or to do anything else but work for that matter... it's now monday night, i finished work at eight and hung out with V right after for a few hours because she was working til 8 at Subway which is a block not even away from my job. So lately we've been hanging out alot with my brother's friends, because we go to the club they promote every friday, and we've been to there house a few times just to hang out, and obviously V is fucking Mid, and we're starting to hang out with them on our own without my brother, even without him knowing about it... Which is wrong but i'll get to that later. So tonight we randomly bumped into a friend of my bro's, and we smoked a joint with him and ended up hanging out at a coffee shop, talking and eating cookies and drinking the vanilla fudge brownie lattes that he treated us to. It was great because we were stoned and got into all these random subjects. We were talking about how amazing it was that we could be friends with this group of guys because they never made us uncomfortable by acting in such a way that would let us believe that they were trying to get in our pants. They have always acted respectful. Even when Mid was flirting with Vivian, he was always respectful, complemented her and never said rude vulgar things. Now they actually like eachother and are practically dating, it seems. Anyway it feels really good to feel like you can actually connect with a guy in a way that you would never imagine to for fear of giving him the wrong idea about your feelings for him. The only problem is with my brother, who naturally disapproves of these new "friendships" between his sister and his group of friends, for a few reasons. None of which i feel like discussing at the moment. Saturday night i went to Mid's house with V, and we were watching There's something about Mary when i got this private phone call from the girlfriend of this guy that i used to hang out with, like over a year ago now, that i just recently got into contact with again. She was drunk and was saying things like "let me talk to your boyfriend, because he's cheating on you with me because you're not attractive and he needs me." I laughed in her face and hung up on her. He was crazy jealous when i hung out with her bf. Obviously. He was a real flirt, too. He hit on me all the time and we would joke around abit but never really did anything. He asked me out a few times but i always said no because i'd rather have him as a friend than anything else. Then we lost touch, and now, through Ty, i've started talking to him again, and now i'm getting phone calls from his girlfriend. Anyway it was pretty annoying. I got pretty pissed off and called Johnny, that's his name, and started yelling at him, and i told him to telling his psycho girlfriend to never call me again. He didn't sound very apologetic, or like he really cared, but he said ok so i doubt i'll hear from her again. I was pretty mad. Johnny actually used to hang out with AH, and that's how we met, but now he doesn't hang out with either of us anymore. Anyway, since i haven't written in a while a will write an update on every guy i have talked about so far. So, first of all, T has gone out of business according to V, he got to into coke and his drug dealing business went down and eventually went bankrupt. I hadn't heard from him in weeks until i saw him on MSN the other day and we talked a bit. I told him about my new job and he told me he got off pills, so i'm happy for him. Bee now likes CCG, and they went out once and almost kissed, but she pulled away. She is now having second thoughts about him though and is thinking of getting back together with her bf. The poor baxter will be crushed. That guy M i went to play pool with a while ago i saw on Hi5, and added him. He sent me a message after that saying "jay,.... from bogeys?" i said yep and i'm waiting for him to reply. Sometimes i talk to XL and he seems to be somewhat interested in L but he's moving really slowly so i've almost forgotten about that. As for Tiny, i haven't seen or heard from him since the party. He does call V sometimes to hang out, but they never do, so i have no news of him. Vs friend eGuy still sees her, he even gave us a ride home on friday, but luckily I haven't seen or heard of his friend D again. That horrible jerk S i never saw or heard of again. I kinda would like to though for some twisted reason... And finally, AH i am still working at getting over him completely, and it's working. I was watching walk the line last week, and i realized, that that was love, true love. And whatever strange connection i ever had with AH, ... wasn't. And i need to go looking for it elsewhere. And i know i'll find it as long as i keep searching for it. True love is probably the most important goal i have set for myself in life. To me, it's the very meaning of life. And i know it's real and i know i can find it. Every guy i meet helps me learn and grow in a certain way, and i'm very thankful for that. They're just all stepping stones between meeting the man of my dreams, so that when i find him i'll be ready for it. oh love... anyways, Joaquin Phoenix is fucking hot and i have the biggest crush on him.