So I've got an apartment FINALLY. I am moving out on July 1st. I need to start packing now. It's so weird. It doesn't really feel real somehow. I signed the lease, i gave a deposit, so it's really happening. V isn't moving in with us though so her crazy mom won't be able to ruin everything this time. Oh and i talked to V finally again and everything is fine. We talked for like 3 or 4 hours last night about all the stuff we've missed. I told her all about my feelings for T and she told me "you can go out with him, but he'll probably cheat on you" cause he cheats on his girlfriends... which i know, but, you know. i can't help it. I go crazy for him... Plus if i can't have sex with him... oh but T what the fuck why do you want to torture me?! So i went over there 2 days ago to give him his friggin movie, and i couldn't even say anything, i wanted to tell him how i felt and instead i was acting like a dumbass. Tripping over stuff and fumbling around. He even asked me as i was leaving "t'es- tu comme ca a cause de moi?" and i said no of course, and he said "tu peux me le dire, ca me ferais plaisir" I just looked at him and i left. I made a decision yesterday. I can't call him anymore. It's too stupid. If he calls to chill again and do E, i don't know what the fuck i'm gonna say, but... Actually, i don't want to do e with him for one night. I wanna see what it's like being with him completely sober. If we still like eachother... i mean when he's high he says i love you and stuff. It's so crazy. It all feels so real. We talk about everything and cry in front of eachother. But you can't base a relationship on drugs. god i am really messed up. And now i'm just running away again. Just like he said. But i can't be like this it's no good for me. And he's not the one. so,... i'll keep waiting. And waiting... Oy.