I stare at this razor I hold against my wrist Beg for the courage to press down And ask myself What the fuck am I doing? hopelessly adrift in the eyes of the ghost again down on my knees and my hands in the air again pushing my face in the memory of you again but i never know if it's real never know how i wanted to feel never quite said what i wanted to say to you never quite managed the words to explain to you never quite knew how to make them beleivable and now the time has gone another time undone hopelessly fighting the devil futility feeling the monster climb deeper inside of me feeling him gnawing my heart away hungrily i'll never lose this pain never dream of you again