I can't even put into words how I'm feeling.

Frustrated. Restless. Anxious.

Tired.

Impotent.

I wish I could just flip a switch and go back to not caring. I wish I never started caring in the first place, because now I won't stop, and it's so hard. It's one more burden to carry with me, and I don't want it. I wish I could stay stupid and ignorant, and it's too late, I can't unlearn things.

Politics brings out the worst in me. Maybe the best, I haven't decided yet.

What if I'm gay? I mean that seriously, what if I am? 5 years, numerous dates, and the only men I've ever "fallen" for have been unavaliable, emotionally or otherwise. As soon as someone who I could actually have a relationship with is around, I pull away as fast as fucking possible. The only common denominator here is me.

What if I'm a lesbian?

fuck.

This week is so emotionally draining, and I have to keep shit running by myself, and that's not fair, and i wasn't mad about it last week, or even annoyed, but now I am.

I'm a terrible friend. I'm sorry.