i've been in college for two months now. and so much has happened. i don't think i've changed as a person...not yet. but things have happened to me that i would have never expected to happen... some of it has made feel really foolish, embarrassed, stupid. and i wonder how i ever think of myself as some mature, sophisticated 18 year old, when i sometimes act like a 12 year old. the people that i've met some of them i feel like i'll be friends with for a long time, others i wonder if we'll talk after this semester. and i feel like i have to make life changing decisions right now. like if i want to graduate early and get a head start on a graduate degree? how the hell should i know? i've been talking to my friends from home a lot lately. and i love them. and it makes me appreciate them. its funny. sometimes i'll pruposely omit some things i do here, fearing the disapproval my friends might have of my actions. but then i feel guilty, like i'm not showing who i really am. and since this year i've had drama with people now showing who they really are. i feel like a lot of big things have happened while i've been here. ian. people's parents/step parents dying. people getting into car accidents. its so weird walking around and realizing how long i will be here for. how long its been since i've been home. and yes, i questions myself sometimes. did i make the right decision? is this worth it? another thing i've noticed i that its so hard to reinvet yourself and what kind of person you are. i thought maybe i'd come to college and i'd be a different person. but no, people can see right through it. within the first few weeks people knew that i was not a big partier, that i worked hard and got good grades. its was just like what people said in high school.....which isn't a bad thing.

give me a time when i'm not stupid. and i'll give you a time when the world was at peace. building people up only to have them tear your image of them down. classic. this is where the real learning of college happens

college is great, but i use this to vent not to give updates on my days. my venting. boys. i met this wonderful guy, really cute and smart and i thought he liked me too. well i think he does. but lately i feel like he only calls/talks to me when he wants to. doesn't necessarily answers my calls or texts or things like that. i've had that with another, and it doesn't feel good. it makes me feel like i'm a nagging little bitch who they only talk to when they have to. and i make sure i don't call him every five seconds, let alone every day. maybe i'm old fashioned but i like some effort. in the beginning it was like that. effort. we went out to lunch, and things like that. i guess nothing good can last. i told him i need to talk to him. and i'm going to tell him how i feel. that i like him, but i'm not feeling it back. well i was, but not lately. and the bad thing? i can see him going along with some other girl, right now. love it. i guess its my fault for falling for someone so early in the year. stupid me. luckily sigma kappa will keep me slightly busy. and i'll just get really into my school work and new friends. stupid hadas. because i just know, that today when i talk to him. he'll be like 'sorry, i did like you but not anymore.' and thats what i get myself into.

i leave for college Friday morning. oh dear.

someone called me from taylor's phone tonight. i don't think i ever had his number in my phone, so when i called the number back and suddenly hear taylor's voice on the answering machine, kind of freaked me out. i'm guessing it was his mom or something because i ran into her at the grocery store today. i run into her a lot, more than most people run into each other. it seems like every 2-3 weeks i see her somewhere. she said it was fate that i was meant to be a part of her life. sometimes i'm not sure if i believe in things like fate, and although i feel really bad about it whenever the burgstahlers tell me about how our homecoming picture is eerywhere, or things like what she said to me, i feel like i have some kind of responsibility, some kind of task that i'll never be able to fill. maybe that of keeping taylor's memory alive? i don't really know how to do that besides think about him and keep his picture with me. i'm excited to start working on monday. i'm so bored, even though i have so much i could be doing, i only tend to accomplish things when i'm really busy. so i can't wait to start being busy, and of course, get paid. i'm starting to get the feeling that time is running out. i see people and think that this might be the last time i see them. i think my mother forgets that i'm only 18. i know that my maturity level is higher than most teenagers, but she forgets i have not experienced nearly as much as older people who i act like. today i went to send a bunch of packets to all her students, and it turned out to be really expensive, supposedly because i went to one of those mail stores, and not the post office (how was i supposed to know there was a difference? i always just drop mail off at these places). so mother gets really mad at me. i think she realized later that it wasn't really anyone's fault and just a miscommunication. gotta love those. i'm having one of those 'oh summer has gone by so fast" eek.

i'm really happy right now. content with where i am. Although there a lot of little things going wrong, they don't seem to phase me i guess. i'm really excited about going to geroge washington. its funny how it worked out, and every now and then i find myself freaking out and wondering if i made the right decision, but i know that sometimes in life you need to take risks, and do what your gut tells you. my gut has been telling me that i made the right choice, and now that i've really started talking to my roomates, and we've connected so well i'm just so excited. the one year anniversary of taylor's death passed recently. i never knew how deeply i would be affected by a friend's death. taylor and i weren't even best friends or anything, but as the first death of someone close to me, it really struck hard, and sometimes i feel guilty about it. i wonder if its the fact that i miss the person, or if the whole tragedy of the situation is what makes me sad. the situation in israel right now is also hurting. i get so mad when i hear the media over exagerating some parts, like claming that '500 lebanese civillians have died in comparison to 50 israelis" they fail to mention though, that most of those civillians were hizbollah guerillas. except these disgusting hizbollah hide behind civilians, often forcing the civilians to host them and let them use their roofs to launch rockets into israel. and then when israel wants to get rid of this facist terrorist organization, they kill civilians in the process because that is what hizbollah wants, it gets the world opinion on their side that the evil bully israel is killing innocent bystanders. right. have you seen the hizbollah parades? it immediately reminded me of nazis. they goosestep (over american and israeli flags) their salute is a fist in the air, and they parade around with images of their leaders. they are terrorist bent on the destruction of the jews and israel. haven't we had enough? where can jewish people just live in peace, and why, why are jews hated so much. what is the big problem? it just really pisses me off when people even attempt to say that israel doesn't have a right to go in and take outhizbollah. if israel doesn't do it, who will? hizbollah also hates america, and has cells in america who are ready to strike. someone has to do the dirty work and it looks like israel is the only one with enough balls to do it. agh. i had more of a point to this but now it has left me and i don't know what else. freakin terrorist are just ruining everything.

what am i what am i i am an overstuffed suitcase where if you drop me i will burst i am the most fragile of ice sculptures, touch me and i shatter i am an overacheiving 18 year old who is being told to decide what to do with the next 5 years of her life...now. can i be 5 again? can my parents decide for me? i'm 18. how the hell am i supposed to know if i can handle 50k in debt. i'm so stressed out about school and work and other stuff and college. and then i realize it doesn't matter and then its my entire world, then i feelguilty for even thinking about trying this whole college thing. i hate it. i hate how unfair life is. i hate how if my family had more money, there would be no question. i hate how because my father has an accent and wasn't born in the USA, he can't make much more than he does. i hate it. i feel selfish. who gave me the right to think i could shake up my family life just because i want to go to some pricey school. who the fuck. what the fuck. you all want something of me. you all want me to be someone. you all...but i don't know me yet. i don't know me. i don't know whati want. i change my mind every hour. get me out of here but don't. make me stay but let me go. good things hadas. you're worrying about good things. either way you'll be fine. shut up.

rawwwr so passover. last night i guess i fell asleep right after the meal, cuz i found myself at 630 am in my bed. i don't know how i got there. then i thought...was i drunk from the wine, and passed out? then i realized i had chosen not to drink wine (yuck) and drank the kid's grape juice instead. so maybe i got drunk of grape juice. it could happen. i asked mike bell to prom. i hope that he wasn't/anyone else wasn't planning on going with someone. too late because i did. everyone's like 'heeey you were aggressive! you asked the guy' and i'm like. uh ok. if i hadn't asked anyone, i would NOT have had a date. i'm not going to sit around waiting, i'm going to get someone i will actually ENJOY the night with. i think my idea was super cute (and tasty!) and i give permission to all to use it over and over again. but maybe just put a "copyright hadasgold" on the bottm of the cookie or something ;)

well its finally raining. as crazy as my life may be right now, i'm having a good time. but i get panicked thinking about how close i am to graduating. i just can't believe it. i feel like there are so many high school experiences i have yet to have, but i have no time! schoolwork has been insane. i'm so stressed out, but i've also kind of stopped caring. i hope thats not too bad. lacrosse is going very very well. we're meshing as a team, and we've won our first three games. although i've been injured a bit so i haven't really been able to play, last night i started and played the whole game and even had a pretty sweet goal. so we're pumped. i've also started to get accepted to universities. so far U of A, USC and American U. its nice to know someone wants me. i want to figure out what i'm doing this summer. i know i'm going to israel but i feel like i need something else too. i feel so mature, like i can accept things as they come much more easily. i credit all thats happened to me in the past year as kind of molding me. i guess i can see now why everyone was saying 'these hard times will make you a better person' and what i thought was crap like that. now, i know if i don't get accepted to a university, its not the end of the world, whereas that hadas over a year ago probably would have freaked out. i know that no matter what, life goes on, i still have my family and friends, and i still have myself, and thats the most precious thing to have. not college acceptance or scholarship or lacrosse game can match that. i may get all caught up in it, but if i remember to just step back and see the big picture, i'll be OK. this summer i'm going to israel to see my family. my grandpa is getting really old, he's already had a stroke and so i'm scared that if i don't go now, i'll never see him. i'm going to record my grandparents stories about WWII, being around when israel became a country and just other random things. i miss my family. so this boy that i met at the nfty veida. its weird how well we mesh. and we still constantly talk even though we live so far away. i wish we lived closer. i wouldn't be surprised if we were to date if we lived within like 3 hours of each other. its bittersweet i guess. but as much as i like to say 'of course this type of thing would happen to me' once again, step back, and see at least i have a really nice guy to talk to whenever i want to just vent, someone who is completely removed from everything. mmmm arizona is so thirsty.

for the past few months, i've felt like the world is just working against me. the world took a break a little during the beginning of the year, then came back. i feel like nothing is going for me,even good things that happen (getting an A on my calc final) don't result in good things (i still get a b in the class...by .5 points) i know i should look at all the good things that come my way and where i am in life and just be happy, but its hard when everyone around me seems to be succeeding. or when others get things that i feel like i deserved, that other people tell me i deserved. or when people treat me like shit and expect me to take it as thought nothing gets to me. i'm just supposed to take it in stride and comfort the other ones. well you know what i'm fucking sick of it. i'm sick of being used, being treated like 'oh you can try to be better than me, but it'll never happen. I will always win because i always need to be better than you' well fuck that. its more than just one person. its a lot of people. i haven't won a fucking thing in like 2 years. OK? and i'm not going to get anything any time soon! It just doesn't happen to me and people always wonder why, well i'm wondering too. am i selfish to want good things to happen to me too? YES. I AM A SELFISH BITCH. LIVE WITH IT. I work my freaking ass off and seem to get nothing in return. Just the "satisfaction of a job well done" lately i've really just wanted to get OUT OF HERE. i don't care where, but just get me away from people, from school, from myself. get me away. i can't even run now because my ankles are fucking messed up. excuse my language but damn. i feel fat, ugly, full of zits like whereve ri walk people look at me and go 'well...she used to be pretty...she works so hard and i she should win things and get the glory. OH WELL" i don't normally cry easily. i only cry when something really serious happens, and lately, i've just wanted to burst into tears because everything has been such a rollercoaster. i can't stand it. and no, i'm not pmsing. and i know that for sure. my parents always tell me, it will balance out in the end, don't worry. when will it balance out? when is the end? how will it balance out? tell me that Theory of Knowledge. Why is life not fair. C'mon parker, enlighten me. why the fuck do i bother working so hard, if i could get the same result from doing nothing. literally nothing. when will it pay off? wil my work ethic pay off in the real world, or will it all end up just like it is now. aren't i in the real world now? i don't see any protective shield around me, don't see any fairies, it sure smells like the real world. agggghhhh its not worth it.

you can't tell me rent isn't awesome. Bohemia, Bohemia's A fallacy in your head This is Calcutta Bohemia is dead (The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with MARK delivering the "eulogy.") MARK Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes COLLINS AND ROGER Dies irae -- dies illa Kyrie eleison Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc. MARK Here she lies No one knew her worth The late great daughter of mother earth On this night when we celebrate the birth In that little town of Bethlehem We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to -- (MAUREEN flashes hers.) La vie Boheme ALL La vie Boheme La vie Boheme La vie Boheme La vie Boheme MARK To days of inspiration Playing hookie, making something out of nothing The need to express -- To communicate, To going against the grain, Going insane Going mad To loving tension, no pension To more than one dimension, To starving for attention, Hating convention, hating pretension Not to mention of course, Hating dear old mom and dad To riding your bike, Midday past the three piece suits To fruits -- to no absolutes -- To Absolut -- to choice -- To the Village Voice -- To any passing fad ALL La vie Boheme La vie Boheme (JOANNE enters.) MAUREEN Is the equipment in a pyramid? JOANNE It is, Maureen MAUREEN The mixer doesn't have a case Don't give me that face (MAUREEN smacks JOANNE's ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts.) MR. GREY Ahhemm MAUREEN Hey Mister -- she's my sister RESTAURANT MAN So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter And one pasta with meatless balls A BOY Ugh COLLINS It tastes the same MIMI If you close your eyes RESTAURANT MAN And thirteen orders of fries Is that it here? ALL Wine and beer! MIMI AND ANGEL To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou MAUREEN AND COLLINS Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion Creation, vacation MARK Mucho masturbation MAUREEN AND COLLINS Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new COLLINS To Sontag ANGEL To Sondheim FOUR PEOPLE To anything taboo COLLINS AND ROGER Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage COLLINS Lenny Bruce ROGER Langston Hughes MAUREEN To the stage PERSON #1 To Uta PERSON #2 To Buddha PERSON #3 Pablo Neruda, too MARK AND MIMI Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow To blow off Auntie Em ALL La vie Boheme (JOANNE returns.) MAUREEN And wipe the speakers off before you pack JOANNE Yes, Maureen MAUREEN Well -- hurry back (MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss.) MR. GREY Sisters? MAUREEN We're close (ANGEL jumps on top of COLLINS, who's on the table. They kiss.) ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY Brothers! MARK, ANGEL, MIMI AND THREE OTHERS Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens, Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa Carmina Burana ALL To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy Vaclav Havel -- The Sex Pistols, 8BC, To no shame -- never playing the Fame Game COLLINS To marijuana ALL To sodomy, It's between God and me To S and M (MR. GREY walks out.) BENNY Waiter...Waiter...Waiter ALL La vie Boheme there's more but yea.

if life doesn't slow down soon, i don't know what will happen to me. too much too much. i'm so unsure of so many things, from my friends to my future and i don't know whats going on. ah someone just hold my hand and tell me exactly what to do, when and how. please?

so let's reflect on how awesome it was to be a desert mountain senior this weekend. friday - spirit day. the school was a mass of maroon, white, gray and black (yea seniors). assembly = nuts. people went crazy, with gigantic flags and signs and outfits. seniors win the spirit monkey. hellllz yea. friday night - tailgate/carshow. fun, just walking around hanging out. game. good times, terese and justin win queen and king (most unconventional royalty ever, loved loved loved it. what else do you need, besides a lax girl and a marching band boy in his uniform with crowns riding on the back of a convertable?) even better? we actually WIN the homecoming game. first time in 6 years DM has won the homecoming game. we rush the field. celebrations continue at carter's house where some salsa/country/freak dancing went on. saturday - get ready at sophie's, all the girls. sophie makes my hair look so pretty. everyone comes over, we take some fun pictures, kevin and i go to julia's house, take some more picture, then pile into the bmw suv limo to rock the night away. pull up to bamboo club, have a delicious dinner, then drive on up to school, banging 'save a horse ride a cowboy' and dance the night away. then bunch of people crash at max's (nikki- total laguna beach night) fire pit, s'mores and movies, then just crashing wherever you lay your head. sunday - wake up, max's mom makes us breakfast (YUM!) discuss senior ad, and here we are!! i <3 being a desert mountain high school senior!

its raining again. i love arizona rain. so sporadic, it'll rain like nuts for a good 20 minutes straight and just stop. and crazy thunder and lightning. i was driving the other day when one of these storms started, and i could literally see the line in the road where the rain started. it was a clear line between wet and dry, and i imagined myself venturing forward crossing this invisible wall of weather and mood. i love it. rain makes me feel as though this world is alive and ticking and that things are actually going on. storms and such are the ways the world can say 'hey...i'm here...i'm still moving'. in arizona especially, with what seems to by stone still dry oven heat, it seems as though all is dead. but just wait till nighttime when there is a free lights show outside and crazy special effects. the other night the rain was coming in at such a strong angle it leaked through our windows. i leave tomorrow for minnesota. i feel for some reason quite apathetic about it, i think because i'm so stressed and busy right now. oy. a funny thing happened to me the other night, but i don't feel like writing it out, instead i'll paste what my friend nikki wrote about it, because she's such a witty writer. i wasn't present for some of this story, but its still pertinent nonetheless. "Tonight was a mad exciting night. It began at a party at Nate's house. Megan and Hadas picked me up in the Denali, yea seat-warmers. The night was mildly entertaining. I learned to play Mao (and discovered I have no future in the game). Meagan and I got a little bored and restless so we took a break from the party, in search of another. We found ourselves in Phoenix...or unfamiliar Scottsdale if you will, at a shady hotel. It was hardly worth hanging around, especially considering the motley collection of wasted youth inhabiting the dirty room. After our quick appearance, we drove off, txting and calling everyone in our phonebooks. Turns out most of Arizona is out of town this particular weekend, or else refuses to power up their cells. One misguided response lead us to a friends place, only to discover it dark and deserted. Unfortunately, that party wasn't due to start for another half hour. Sad and discouraged, we headed back to Nate's. A much needed Starbucks run was neccessary. After two severly gross, but ultimately free (pays to be cute...) pick-me-ups plus caffeine, we drove on back to the original party. Basically we said our final good-byes for the night then left, jamming to The Format, arguing over lyrics again, ultimately aiming to return Josh to his humble abode. Halt. Just then we witnessed what appeared to be a serious accident. Mercedes runs off road into nearby ditch?! Oh yes. 911? Oh yes. After a long interrogation, both with the unharmed driver AND the emergency operator, we dropped Josh off safely and...duh returned to the scene of the accident. Emergency Op calls back. Driver was seriously wasted. She asks for name, numbers, and birthdays? Witness Protection Program anyone? No, it wasnt all that serious, but thrilling at least. Anyhow, now I'm at home, safe and sound, and desperately wondering what we're doing tomorrow night." my mom is home from israel. i missed her a lot. i also miss israel. a lot. i'm so homesick.

I am scared. I am scared of the fragility of life. taylor...i'm so scared. i'm convinced that every person i love will now be taken away from me at any moment. And i realize how easily it can be done. i haven't spoken to my father since around 6 this afternoon, and he hasn't been home since, i don't think, and i haven't spoken to him since. and i'm scared. would i normally be scared? i don't know, but i feel aso though i'm preparing for the worst. i know i'm being paranoid, but how easily we die. i mean i'm sure he's just at a movie or something so he's not answering his phone, but i'm imagining hospitals, where his phone is with his other belongings in some drawer... i'm more scared of others dying, than the idea of me dying. because i am selfish, i am selfish that people will be taken away from me. and i don't want that. if i must die to keep another alive, i would do it. how crazy is this adventure we call life? taylor will always be 17.

i am pretty much bad news betty. i don't know who more depressing could be than me. either god hates me (which means ishould start praying) or something is seriously wrong with me. once again i lost. lose lose lose is all i get. i lost for editor-in-chief. that one position i was dreaming of having since i was a little freshman. fuck yea. the record, as it stands is 0-4. and the phrase i have heard at least 10million times in the past 2 months "hadas you so deserved it" fuck yea. what is wrong with me. what am i doing wrong. probability wise, i should win something. anything. no. nothing. hadas you suck. as much as people might tell you you deserve it, the way things have been going show tha tyou don't. stop trying. my parents couldn't believe, another one down the drain. my mom was in disbelief when i told her. nothing is the way it seems. what did i do why why why why why why why why why why why why everything i know i can do well, everything i will put my heart into like no other everything that eveyrone else tells me i deserve. why nothing. i know i shouldn't be as depressed as i am about everything, as saddening as losing positions is, i think the consistent defeat is what really got me today. all the 'what ifs' and 'i could have beens' just imagine mulitple boys breaking your heart mulitple tiimes. and it never ends. i'm considering to stop trying. after one loss, i kept trucking. 2, no biggie. 3, getting a little much. 4....well now something is going wrong. hadas something is going wrong, and from the looks of it that something is you. fuck up.

hmmmmm i'm tired but not so mr. blakeman. who probably does not read this but it does not matter as this is my place to say what i please.. i have not talked to mr. blakeman in the last 3 weeks. if anyone remember mackenzie coleman..... i really hope the same thing does not happen, because its starting too at first i kind of layed off always trying to call him, because i thought i was being annoying, as he always had somewhere to go or something to do when i talked to him, so i just kind of let it go. and i guess its true, because i haven't heard from in a while, and i'm tired of friendships where i feel like i'm the only one who cares.... but it makes me sad. tear. life is busy and hectic and chaotic and it sucks. but it can wait for other things. one of these days. where do i stand? i have no idea.

so when i read in the poem to be a nftyite, how it could break your heart, i finally learned that. i lost for president. and it was one of the most devastating things i've encountered yet, (considered, thank goodness, i've lost no immediate family, or anything like that) i really don't know what happened. I thought i did really well, i felt good about my performance, but yea. its the same kind of feeling when a boy breaks up with you, and a boy you really loved, except its like 160 people breaking up with you. i feel like some of the people who voted didn't really know what they were doing...or really cared. but i'm sure if i would've won i would've said that they did. the girl who did win is very cute, little, and as excitable as a little chiuauaha, and she's been described like that many a times. I guess thats just what sw was lookin for...and not me. its just such a blow, to know you would've done your all for the job, and your whole heart would've been in on it, but to not get it. and its just hurts because i wanted it to so so bad. i know people talk about how its not such a big deal, but being on board really did change my year. all my friends in other regions, who were juniors on board ran for regional board, and more than likely won. i guess its just says my region didn't think i did a good job as savp, which maybe i didn't...but its still hurts. so that and the seniors leaving, was just such atumble of emotions most of the weekend i was numb, and a lot of times i found myself just staring out into space, imagining, what it would've been like if i had... but i ran down for an open postiion, the lowest position, its pretty much a treasurer/secretary postion, and it'll be fun and easy, but not the same. i don't feel like i truly belong in it, and its weird to drop so far in the gavel order. it really is like when a boyfriend breaks up with you. you don't know what life is going to be like afterwards. it changes everything, and this has. i think this might be more devastating than boy, because a boy is one person who doesn't believe in you. and this was 160. i'm disappointed in myself mostly. and not mad at anyone because it is my fault for not being better. and now i guess i've learned my lesson. sucks. my spirits have been lifted by sara lerner...who i actually wasn't sure who she was voting for, but it doesn't matter because she really made me feel better... Slerner37: what up Yum0007: uggh sooooooooooooo out of it Slerner37: ps you left the coyote in my trunk lol Slerner37: word. Yum0007: aw fudge Slerner37: what do you mean you had your heart broken Yum0007: just the weekend was so sad overall, its a big blow to your self esteem when you loose an election Slerner37: yeah i know Yum0007: buti have to go get tutored in math so i won't fail that either, i'll talk to ya later babe...and if you want you can bring the coyote to school (if you dare to be seen with it) Slerner37: LOL Slerner37: wait wait wait Slerner37: one sec? Yum0007: ok Slerner37: i was just telling craig before Slerner37: that i dont think our region appreicates you. Yum0007: aw sara that means so much Slerner37: like i think you are ana amazing person Slerner37: and any other region would totally apprecaite you so much more- i just dont know why they dont get it here Yum0007: you have no idea how much that means to me sara Slerner37: :) Slerner37: i think you should run for north american Slerner37: but thats your choice hehe Yum0007: umm i'm nfty-licious and all, but i don't know if i can go that far.. Slerner37: youd be perfect

i feel good. probably beacause of this redbull. but i feel good anyways. had a good game today. our team is doing awesome. thursday we won to deser vista 12-3 and today we beat red mtn. 11-4. and red mtn was damn dirty. they played so rough, and so mean, they were getting called on fouls every other second. their coach was a bitch...well he's a guy, but he was a bitch. screaming at his team, screaming at the refs. their team was even yelling at each other. our team is just so nice, and we all love each other and there is no enmity anywhere. so, now twice we've beat dirty teams, its so much better to beat a team at the game fair and square, without stooping to their level. i got introuble during the game though. michelle (our coach) had come out to the field, kinda ranting at the refs because they weren't calling slashes. and iw as getting really nervous that the refs were gonna kick her out or something, so i said, but not loudly, 'chill out michelle' because i didn't want her to get kicked off. but then she pulled me off the field and told me if i ever did that again i wouldn't play. i didn't mean it in that way, i just really didn't want her to get in trouble. so now there's weird feelings, but i'll just work really really hard at practice...ahh i hope it'll be ok. so we were finally gonna get my ipod for my bday, but now it turns out if we order it, there's a chance that it'll come while we're on the cruise, since we're getting online (cuzmy parents are getting it engraved) so now we're gonna order it right b4 we leave,a nd it should be here when we come back. i'm soexcited, its a 6GB, mini green ipod with engraving on the back that says 'i belong to hadas' and then i think my parents are putting my phone number on it...but what i fmy number changes??? hmm...maybe we should put the home number...thats a better idea. but its cool, so in case i lose it, hopefully someone nice could call the number. hey, its happened before. MWUAH!

i don't know whats wrong with me. so, i had a weird birthday, but i thought this weekend would be lots of fun. i haven't had a fun birthday since my 14th. maybe its because i don't put enough initiative into it. i don't know. i thought i had lots of plans for this weekend, a few people had called me with things to do. but i guess none of them worked out. i don't know whether they just didn't call me...or just didn't do anything. so i ended up spending my weekend by myself...throwing a pity party. gotta love it. happy birthday.