i've been in college for two months now. and so much has happened. i don't think i've changed as a person...not yet. but things have happened to me that i would have never expected to happen... some of it has made feel really foolish, embarrassed, stupid. and i wonder how i ever think of myself as some mature, sophisticated 18 year old, when i sometimes act like a 12 year old. the people that i've met some of them i feel like i'll be friends with for a long time, others i wonder if we'll talk after this semester. and i feel like i have to make life changing decisions right now. like if i want to graduate early and get a head start on a graduate degree? how the hell should i know? i've been talking to my friends from home a lot lately. and i love them. and it makes me appreciate them. its funny. sometimes i'll pruposely omit some things i do here, fearing the disapproval my friends might have of my actions. but then i feel guilty, like i'm not showing who i really am. and since this year i've had drama with people now showing who they really are. i feel like a lot of big things have happened while i've been here. ian. people's parents/step parents dying. people getting into car accidents. its so weird walking around and realizing how long i will be here for. how long its been since i've been home. and yes, i questions myself sometimes. did i make the right decision? is this worth it? another thing i've noticed i that its so hard to reinvet yourself and what kind of person you are. i thought maybe i'd come to college and i'd be a different person. but no, people can see right through it. within the first few weeks people knew that i was not a big partier, that i worked hard and got good grades. its was just like what people said in high school.....which isn't a bad thing.