i know i'm supposed to be proud of my body, and love the way i look no matter what, but i'm at my lowest self esteem point about my body i have ever been. perhaps its because i'm at the fattest biggest i have ever been. I don't know what happened, but i just got big. i don't think my eating habits changed, but now i'm constantly thinking about my body, and how big it is, and how i can't fit into the clothes i used to love, and how i loathe shopping and trying on pants. its also difficult when most of the people i hang out with are short petite little sticks; i feel like i could break them in half. I'm always a head taller than them, in pictures i look out of place. i don't feel curvy or voluptuous, i feel jiggly and fat. i literally sometimes what to throw up thinking of my body. to make it worse, i have no self disipline. i can't stop myself from eating,i always find reasons why i should have that cookie, or those chips. I've always been on the 'bigger' side, i realized it in third grade, when sitting next to katie massie we were investigating the wonders of when you sat down your legs got bigger. for some reason, mine got huge, and hers stayed the same (she's one of those sticks) from then on, i was always self concious about my body, especially my legs. now at this point, when i am always stressed, my body becomes another stress. even my mother has told me i need to lose weight. when your mother tells you that, you know you're fat. ok i'm not fat. i'm just not at the size i'd like to be. i know this sounds like i'm obsessing over my body image and i shouldn't, but i've held it in for so long. i know i'll never become buliemic or anorexic, i'm more likely to become a binge eater because she hates her body. ugh ok i'm going to stop. have a merry birth of jesus day and enjoy all your gifts!