"My song is love. My song is love, unknown. But I'm on fire for you, clearly. You don't have to be alone." - - - - - - - - - - i had spent so much time this summer talking about how i want to change, how i seem to have changed, how i would like to change -- i just realized that i haven't changed at all. so is this my problem? not really. my problem is that i'm infatuated with this boy... a certain boy that, as it has happened before, is amazing on paper. i could list the many aspects that i admire him for. why do i always "fall" for guys like that? all the qualities i like about them, they don't even see in themselves -- or even worse, they do realize they have these amazing qualities... so they abuse them. -sighs- so here, i'm back again. back to 7th grade. 8th grade. 6th grade. 5th grade. i'm back to writing anonymous coded messages to my crushes, messages that, if i die tomorrow, will remain secret forever. because i'm just too damn stupid to do anything other than TELL HIM. at leadership camp, we did this activity where we had to think about what we would do if we had a year to live. six months. one month. one week. one day. ... and then ten minutes. "Think about what you would do if you were going to die in ten minutes... ... And now I'm going to give you ten minutes to do those things." the lesson? "Imagine how different your life would be if you did this every day." i was crying my heart out afterwards. ... i swear, i'm too sensitive for things like that. well, i would bet my life that this person that my "message" is for wouldn't even know it's for him. why not? it's because i fake myself well. at least when it "matters the most," i am able to lie. it's a gift and a curse. but the real curse is truly the fact that i'm too scared to admit it, to tell you. hah. and here's the ironic thing that i MUST admit: if you ask me, and you're the right person... ...i will tell you. ...so ask away. anyway, what do you have to lose? maybe you just never suspected that i could fall for you.