"Before your time has run on you and worn you down... Would you know what you desire in your heart?" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I can't explain how worried I have been ever since 1:30 AM this morning. ...I tried to make it to the Wednesday mass at school this morning, but I was late. khoa: im like running away seriously.. khoa: no1 knows where i am khoa: i want to stay =[ Rini: alskfjak True that Rini: .-. I'm thinking x_x Rini: What would you do if you found a place to stay though? khoa: then iono khoa: find some work i guess Rini: School? khoa: imma lay off school a bit Rini: =/ khoa: cause im like so over school khoa: im a robot khoa: go to school khoa: class khoa: work khoa: study khoa: test khoa: grades khoa: and all over Rini: School is necessary :x. Hated but necessary x_x khoa: is it? Rini: Just like a job and money DX khoa: a lot of people are fine without jobs khoa: what if i told u... khoa: i was going to die by age 28? Rini: I could believe you. Rini: And I wouldn't want you to spend that time in school .-. Rini: And I would want you to stay here ... khoa: i cant go back... khoa: i cant! Rini: because? :[ khoa: i just cant Rini: =/ khoa: ugh Rini: -hug- I'm sorry I can't do much right now except type that. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I wanted to be there with him. In the dark, on Troy's couch. I wanted to have my arms around him. I wanted to hold him. I wanted him to cry into my chest. Goddamnit. It hurt me so much, that sentence. "What if I told you... I was going to die by age 28?" He doesn't want me to worry. And I don't want him to regret telling me. And I'm not overreacting. He CAN'T be lying. He would not be giving up his education for any lesser reasons. He would not be HERE for any lesser reasons. I do not doubt him. I have to find a way to help him. This is certain. New York is expensive. But it is better than him moving AGAIN, spending time and money, to go somewhere else where no one knows him. Where he has no friends. No one to help him. I'm not overreacting. I have to help him, this dear boy whom I call My Lost Californian, who calls me for walking directions and makes me laugh. This boy whom I just want to hold. I want to shoulder his burdens. I want to make them bearable. I want to talk with him. I want him to share his pain. I want him not to be alone. I have an incomprehensible capacity to share his pain. I am willing to carry this burden alone, for the first time without my friends. I have an incomprehensible capacity to share his pain. He does not deserve this. It's just all so overwhelming. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Options? Phil has a basement. My dear friend. When I told him about what's going on, he told me: "Okay well other than myself, I don't think I have any ideas. What's the time frame looking like and how realistic is this to happen?" -- phyl: i don't know if we're doing this phyl: it would require me vacating down there remember? Rini: You live down there? lol phyl: yep Rini: Ah man Rini: Hypothetically, would your parents be willing to rent out the basement? phyl: if he was a certain payer phyl: know what i mean phyl: dependable phyl: reliable phyl: likeable Rini: That would depend on how much you're charging Rini: And your parents definitely wouldn't mind him. Rini: But if you mean likeable by you, then that would be different Rini: Fuck man Rini: I'm so worried for him it's ridiculous -_- Rini: But that's irrelevant phyl: lol phyl: it is phyl: are you sure this is the best idea Rini: Detail your question? lol Rini: I don't think it's right for him to be so far from his family Rini: But I would rather him be going away to a place where he has friends than to a place where he has none. Rini: And Rini: there are issues that I have been entrusted with. Rini: That I would not like to repeat. phyl: okay well phyl: other than myself phyl: i don't think i have any ideas phyl: whats the time frame looking like phyl: and how realistic is this to happen phyl: and whats his range But his parents may want to charge a higher rent. Tita Linda knows all about apartments in Astoria, I'm assuming. It wouldn't be bad for him to find a place to stay there. It's not too far, and still close in proximity to the subway system. Ideally? Moleca. I don't want to put pressure on her family. But they hardly use their upstairs. It is fully furnished; I would gladly live up there. He will be paying them a $500 rent when they weren't expecting anything. From the way that Moleca puts it, it just might work. But it would cause tension between Moleca and Paul. x_x But this. Finding him a place to stay is necessary. I am so worried for him it's ridiculous. Everything seems a little bit more hopeless. But I pray, pray, pray, pray my heart out for him. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe this will work out. Somehow. { And when the worrying starts to hurt, and the world feels like graves of dirt, Shut your eyes -- I spin the big chair, And you'll feel dizzy, light, and free. } --"Shut Your Eyes" by Snow Patrol.