[Throwback: May 18th, 2008.]
here’s some background first - my away message:
irene:
1. needs to get over herself.
2. can’t fight fate.
3. is disgusted with herself.
4. needs find more of that “other half of the species.”
5. needs to take Superficiality and brutally murder it.
6. must learn more of Buddhism. might help?
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now, the conversation that ensued:
Me (9:50:48 PM): seeeee youre really good at putting it into words
Moleca (9:50:55 PM): i know all this because i used to feel it all the time
Moleca (9:50:59 PM): that was when i was little
Moleca (9:51:10 PM): and wasn’t as buddhist as i am now
Moleca (9:51:10 PM): xD
Me (9:51:20 PM): lmao
Me (9:51:25 PM): thats why
Me (9:51:28 PM): i have #6
Me (9:51:29 PM): on my away xD
Moleca (9:51:32 PM): ;D
Moleca (9:51:55 PM): hmm, i wouldn’t even say that i “turned buddhist”
Moleca (9:52:03 PM): because i started to think of ways to open my eyes
Moleca (9:52:26 PM): and then once i started getting into learning about the buddhist mentalit
Moleca (9:52:49 PM): i realized that a lot of the thing they preached, i told myself over and over againso i could become a better person
Moleca (9:53:01 PM): so if it brings any consolation
Moleca (9:53:14 PM): just know that the little budhist is inside of you,and always has been
Moleca (9:53:19 PM): you just have to coax it out
Me (9:53:55 PM): howwwwww
Me (9:53:58 PM): oh fuck
Me (9:54:01 PM): i want to so badly
Me (9:54:06 PM): but i dont really know how
Me (9:54:10 PM): and you say that you opened yoru eyes
Me (9:54:11 PM): but of course
Moleca (9:54:13 PM): you have to let go of things first
Me (9:54:15 PM): i have to stupid little habits
Moleca (9:54:19 PM): and make room for the buddhist to come out
Me (9:54:20 PM): that i DONT want to let go of
Me (9:54:25 PM): yes! like you said
Me (9:54:26 PM): > __ <
Me (9:54:32 PM): well maybe not “want”
Me (9:54:36 PM): more like “cant”
Moleca (9:54:38 PM): you’re scared to?
Me (9:54:40 PM): but actually it IS more like want Moleca (9:54:40 PM): oohhh
Moleca (9:54:43 PM): YES YOU CAN FOOL
Me (9:54:45 PM): becauuse
Me (9:54:46 PM): YES
Me (9:54:47 PM): because i can
Me (9:54:48 PM): lmfao
Me (9:54:50 PM): so it is want
Me (9:54:51 PM): not can
Me (9:54:54 PM): even though i dont WANT to
Me (9:55:00 PM): liek i dont CHOOSE to
Me (9:55:03 PM): o crap
Me (9:55:06 PM): are you getting htiS?
Me (9:55:06 PM): rofl
Me (9:55:08 PM): *this
Moleca (9:55:08 PM): there you go!
Moleca (9:55:12 PM): lmfao
Me (9:55:15 PM): WAIT
Me (9:55:16 PM): I GOT IT
Moleca (9:55:18 PM): i’m waiting for you to get an epiphany
Moleca (9:55:18 PM): XD
Me (9:55:22 PM): LMFAOO
Moleca (9:55:23 PM): LMFAO.
Moleca (9:55:23 PM): XD
Me (9:55:27 PM): STOP IT
Moleca (9:55:29 PM): XD
Me (9:55:31 PM): STOP READING MY FUCKING MIND
Me (9:55:32 PM): LMFAO
Me (9:55:33 PM): okay
Me (9:55:36 PM): AND DONT MENTION
Me (9:55:38 PM): EDWARD EITHER
Me (9:55:38 PM): XD
Me (9:55:40 PM): okay
Me (9:55:42 PM): sooo
Moleca (9:55:43 PM): i wasn’t going to
Me (9:55:47 PM): i have these stupid little habits
Moleca (9:55:47 PM): didn’t even think of it’
Moleca (9:55:47 PM): XD
Me (9:55:51 PM): that i WANT to let go of
Me (9:55:55 PM): but i somehow CHOOSE not to
Me (9:55:58 PM): and i don’t know how
Me (9:56:05 PM): to change my choices
Moleca (9:56:15 PM): well i can’t help you with that
Moleca (9:56:20 PM): but you really have to WANT TO CHANGE.
Moleca (9:56:26 PM): because once you have it set in your mind
Moleca (9:56:30 PM): that i REALLY WANT TO CHANGE.
Moleca (9:56:40 PM): then everything you do, whether you’re aware of it or not
Moleca (9:56:51 PM): will be like subtle steps towards that goal
Moleca (9:56:55 PM): but you have to WANT It
Moleca (9:57:02 PM): you have to be aware of it, constantly
Moleca (9:57:16 PM): because if you let go of it, those little steps will go the wrong way
Moleca (9:57:38 PM): so you have to know what you really really want in order to change into it
Moleca (9:57:41 PM): you know?
Moleca (9:57:59 PM): so before you say how you have to ask yourself what is it you really want
Moleca (9:58:16 PM): and how exactly you want to be after you’re finished tranforming yourself
Moleca (9:58:32 PM): even though your whole life is a series of transformation
Me (9:59:48 PM): hm
Me (10:00:10 PM): hm what is it i really want
Me (10:00:13 PM): uh
Me (10:00:19 PM): i see, here’s a problem XD
Moleca (10:00:40 PM): xD
Me (10:01:04 PM): freaking hell lmfao
Me (10:01:09 PM): uhm
Moleca (10:01:19 PM): SEEE?
Moleca (10:01:20 PM): :D
Moleca (10:01:25 PM): lmfao
Moleca (10:01:29 PM): you really have to think about it
Me (10:01:31 PM): argh
Me (10:01:33 PM): you’re good
Me (10:01:34 PM): xD
Moleca (10:01:36 PM): and once you know what it is
Moleca (10:01:43 PM): it penetrates your entire being
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thanks moleca.
<3
knowing you already makes me a better person,
and having you in my life gives me hope, motivation, and a goal to better myself.