You know what I hate?

I hate working for everything and not getting what I actually want. I hate that.

And I know that there's a ton of people who want what I've achieved. But they don't understand that everything I've gotten isn't what I've actually wanted.

I did so much for my parents. For my school. In return, I get an emotional breakdown, a shitload of stress that I feel right at the base of my head where it meets my neck that makes me feel like I'm going to implode inside my skull, and a near-annihilation of a passion.

If you're one of those people who doesn't understand, who DOES want what I've gotten.... You don't know what you're talking about.

You don't know that yesterday my freshman advisor told me through the phone that, quote: "There's absolutely no way you can do a piano minor if you plan on majoring in pharmacy. Absolutely no way."

You don't know that my dad was on the speakerphone listening to that. You also don't know that after I hung up, he looked at me, almost apologetically, and then asked me, "So, what are you going to do if you can't take piano in college?"

I said, "I don't know." -shrugs-

"Oh. Well. Either way, you are going to continue with pharmacy no matter what."

Thank you for having a heart, Dad. Thank you. Seriously, thank you. You know what, I was fine with your plan, because I was going to do both. I didn't care about doing pharmacy as long as I could keep up my piano. And look. Just look. Another part of my self that I'm giving up. For you. For you.

I've been trying to hold it together for the past couple of days because I haven't had time to myself to actually let all this shit out. All. This. Shit.

... I want to talk to you about this. You've been helping me through it all, and I've been eternally grateful. It means a lot to me. Really.