Even amidst this sadness, I am happy.

It was the sweetest goodbye ever in my life.

When I saw you, everything Nik had just said to me rang in my head. If you want something badly enough, if you want someone badly enough... you will put in your everything to make it happen. When he had said that, I knew it was true. I really wanted this to work.

Both of us were tearing. I hadn't expected myself to cry nor did I even think it would be such an emotional goodbye, though I really should have known myself better. I even told Nik he wouldn't need to leave the room after he offered, but he insisted to. What a kind soul.

By the time you entered my room, you had tears in your eyes. But you were smiling. I was done for. It was unexpected. I hadn't planned to cry, but when you hugged me.... "Hugs make me cry," I said. "I was going to be fine until you hugged me."

My forehead had never been doused in so many kisses.

"You mean so much to me," was the first thing I said. Then, a pause. "It's okay if you can't come down to the city. It's okay," I said. It was with a sad smile, but I truly meant what I said.

"...This will take effort. And I will try my best," I said, within tears. "Me too," you said. And then... "No matter what happens, know that I'll always love you."

"Always?" I questioned with a laugh. "You don't know that," I said. "Okay, fine. I will love you until you make it awkward or something.... Please, no matter what happens, don't make it awkward." I laughed hard at you. Too many firsts with you, dearest. I joked with you about it. "I don't know how it wouldn't be awkward, hahaa....." I looked up at you. I had to say it again: "...No matter what happens, please don't hate me."

"No matter what happens, I will always love you," you said again.

I embraced you so tightly. Then I put your hands behind my back and carefully, slowly, slipped on the bracelet. I released your hand, keeping my hands behind my back. You drew your hand forward and saw it: "Are you really giving me your bracelet???"

I brought my right hand forward and gently held yours, putting our wrists together. "I have two," I whispered, my voice breaking as I looked at our hands together.

"There was a reason why these were sent late. I was going to give them to Gabe... and then to Ivy, or to Stephanie... but I don't think anyone else has the faith to deserve them... except you...." Then, with all my heart: "No matter what happens, I want you to keep it."

You nodded with tears in your eyes. I don't think I've ever seen you cry.

I pulled you closer. I put my hands on your chest and looked down. "One second," I said. And I said a Hail Mary in my head, my entire heart behind it. I had no other words; only the feeling, the sentiment. Not even a complete thought.

I don't remember exactly what else was said. I am sure I put in an extra two cents about effort again. I remember you hugging me saying, "You know I hate to see you cry."

Then... "We will make it," you said.

I looked into your teary eyes, an unfamiliar sight. "We will make it," I repeated. I smiled. I couldn't help but smile. I believed you.

"God willing," you added. I smiled wider as another sob built in my chest, as the realization really hit me. "I will pray more then," I laughed into your chest.

More kisses. Tighter embraces. You couldn't stop kissing my lips. "I will miss you more than your fingers, your hands, or your kisses," I told you. "You are beautiful, inside and out. Don't forget that," you told me.

Then lastly, I looked up at you:

"I love you, and have a safe drive, okay?"

Never before have I gotten enough closure as I did now. I am happy.