Blessings.
Can they really be a double-edged sword?
I suspect that this weekend will amount to a mixed bag of both good things and negative things.
Though truthfully, I'm sure they're all actually good.
I'm sure that anything negative about my family reunion and your heart-and-soul-opening retreat is in fact conjured up by my selfish self.
I am fourth.
I have to keep reminding myself of that.
God.
Family.
School.
Significant other.
That's how you do it, right? Maybe? Or maybe I'll even be fifth to Friends.
Understandable. It's all understandable. I'm actually considering adopting such a pyramid for me too. As my Facebook status said:
I think I've learned that certain things that hold God's true beauty are also in themselves lessons in self-humility.
I can't think of anything more beautiful than love. And if I love you, I must accept being fourth-and-sometimes-fifth.
It's so strange.
I must confess that the first text I got from you after this weekend was over instilled in me... fear.
I don't really know why.
Maybe it was because my thoughts immediately went to how scared I am that your enlightening, transcending soul-experience raised up your self-awareness and your being... to a plane that leaves me completely and utterly behind.
Maybe it was because I am aware that God has the power to bring us together and to take us apart at any moment he deems necessary.
In the end, I will always blame the selfish side of me that wishes that in your heart and mind, I came first to everything else.
I thank God for making that voice quieter and quieter every passing day. It may have its moments, but it will never have full control of me.
Because that's a horrible and stupid thought. That's a horrible and stupid thought that has been cultivated by Hollywood movies and the corrupt world and by ignorant minds living too much by idealistic notions.
Love is not perfect. And true love is not selfishness. True love is loving someone while realizing that you are fourth-and-sometimes-fifth, and may very well always be.
#acceptance