this is from my blog on facebook/myspace, which i actually have been keeping up lolz. I'M STILL HERE PEOPLE. talk to me. ;] - - - - - - - - - - [12] The Meaning of L***. although i think that this should already be assumed, i will state it again anyway: i'm warning you now - this is probably not going to make sense. take a deep breath. -___-" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "And anyway, no one dates seriously in high school," I explained. "They think they do but they don't. It's all just hormones or low standards." ~from "A Matter of Convenience, a Twilight fanfic" by spotzle, Ch. 2 ah, wouldn't it be cool if i just started off all my "deep" blogs with a quote? i can never find better ways to start them off anyway. so just as my mood hints, there is a specific type of personality that always pisses me off oh dear. here we go again. i'm going to try not to talk about certain people. i'm going to try not to complain. -sighs- this is going to be hard. alright. what am i looking for? who knows. easy answer? love. psh. love. what the hell does that word mean anyway? it is too overused. even if a meaning for it exists, i know that i am nowhere near sane enough nor mature enough to fully grasp it. so why bother trying? my belief? i believe that everyone should focus on school... on music... on ... something. something, anything that is more substantial and less fleeting, than that wispy notion they call love. love once had a meaning. love, love, love. if i say it enough times, i can make you forget what it means. soon enough, it just means a good date. a good kiss. a good fuck. soon enough, girls and guys think it just means fooling around. it means playing games with minds, hearts, and souls. and when those games become lies, when there is no more truth, where is reality? when you lose truth, what do you have left? the world just becomes an illusion. why doesn't anybody take it seriously anymore? the love that the teenage world claims to be sharing is too immediate to be real. a muscle spasm or a phone call is not love. dirty pictures and dirty words are not love. people can claim to call it love as much as they want, but i have refused to call it love, i refuse to call it love, and i will continue to refuse to call it love. love. love. love. love. l*v*. *o*e. **ve. *ov*. ... have you forgotten what it means yet? truth and patience. if the entire world could ever be flooded with these two emotions, perhaps it may be perfect. perhaps. when you are true to yourself, you will find yourself patient. when you are true to yourself, you will realize that now is not the time to be searching for ****. hypocrite, you might say? -points- me??? well, what am i looking for then? because as much as i hate to admit it, i am looking for something. i am desiring something. i cannot just drown myself in enlightenment and claim that i have no desire. am i looking for ****? of course. but what else?? i am looking for a hilarious time. an interesting conversation. a common mind. a common soul, if fate allows. but most importantly? HAPPINESS. and basically, what i have discovered is this: if you make me happy, then you have my love. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Thank you, God, for this summer. and "thank you" to all you friends who make my otherwise uneventful existence into something amazing. and finally, thank you LeadAmerica, POE, and Life: without you, i never would have met these people that keep me sane, insane, but most important of all, happy.