[Throwback: August 21st, 2008.]

i woke up from the best dream this morning. i literally woke up with a smile on my face. of course, i'm talking to you, my message boy.

- - - - - - - - - -

so it was something like a party:

i have this huge party in my apartment...
but it's not my birthday, because i'm still debating over whether or not to give YOU my birthday invitation.

there are filipinos everywhere. lmfao.
family friends, relatives, EVERYBODY was there.
hm, now that i think about it, it was SORT OF like my sweet 16... except it wasn't, and it was in my apartment instead of downstairs lmao.
and you came with andrew, which was sort of strange.
(i don't know why andrew was in my dream-i never talked to him at *** lmfao.)
of course, i have to cater to the other guests, so i have to leave you two alone.
but you guys just start fooling around fine, keeping each other entertained. xD

so eventually people start leaving.
the living room starts to get emptier and emptier...
so i start looking around for you.
we haven't really talked the entire night.

where is he? i think.
my dad comes out of the kitchen and says that you guys are on the computer in my bedrooom.
oh.
i don't know whether to be awkward or happy.

the door's open, and i peek into my dark room (you guys have the lights off), with the computer shining brightly in the dark.
the only thought that runs through my head is, "that's really bad for your eyes..."

i walk in to see you and andrew just surfing the internet,
kind of bored, but more in a nonchalant way,
like it didn't really matter you guys had nothing to do --
you're just keeping each other company.

so i walk over to the other side of the the room and lean on the backs of your chairs.
with a smile on my face i say, "so, what're you guys doing?"
you answer, "nothing really, just kind of bored hahaa"

i have a deck of cards in my hand... and memories of late nights run through my head.
"you want to play cards?" i ask, with an even bigger smile on my face.
andrew looks at me and is like, "hm, not really... i think i'll go to the kitchen to get something to eat."
(LMFAO, even in my DREAM, his personality was right on point xDxD)

so it's me and you left in my room with the lights off.
we casually pop a squat on my bed... which strangely enough isn't covered, so we grab a blanket and pillow each.
it's not awkward at all, because it's only because that's the only cleared flat surface in my room haha.

i turn on one of the antique lamps on the left side of my bed.
i say, "so what game?"
i look up at your face and catch you staring intently at me.
it surprises me, that kind of examining yet indifferent glare.
my breath catches in my throat.

"hm... i really don't know," you say with a chuckle.
andrew comes back in with a plate of cake (lmfaoo) and sits on the bed, and then somebody calls me from the living room in tagalog.

"whoa, wait, was that chinese?" you ask.
i start laughing, "wtf? i'm filipino!"
your eyes are laughing at me, your mouth turned up in a confused smile.
"but i kind of thought you all have... like... the same language!"

now i REALLY start bursting out in laughter (as i often do when i talk to you)
and then you start cracking jokes.
"so it really doesn't sound like: -starts speaking chinese-" <-- DAMN IT, THAT'S WHEN MY DREAM MESSED THIS UP. it's not YOU that can speak chinese. my subconscious needs to get it straight -__-"

i'm dying laughing, watching your eyes watch me.
"Nooooo, we actually sound more like spanish. and for your information, we have our own language called, 'tagalog'-and i'd better go to the living room!"
we both laugh, and you watch me leave.

so now i'm outside, surrounded by all ze asians (lmfao),
but my mind is still speeding, racing.
i can't stop thinking about how well we're getting along. about the way you're looking at me. about the way you're cracking jokes.
i do whatever my aunts/titas ask me to, and then head back to the room.

now you and andrew have both the lamps on each side of my bed turned on.
and you guys are flinging.... handheld electric fans??
o_O <-- my face when i walked in

you take this fan (that kind of looked like allen's LMAO) and say to me, "watch!"
you turn it on, position it correctly in the air, and it starts to hover. (lolz, i know-impossible, but not in my dream xP)
"WHOA, wtf?!"
you pick up another fan, one without a case and just a handle, and you say, "now, be careful with this one!"
you turn it on and fling it forward, and it comes zooming at me.
i jump out of the way and onto the bed with a little scream of surprise.

i'm lying on my back, and i look up at you with an accusing glare.
"psh, you call that a warning?!"
you're just looking down at me laughing.

andrew leaves the room again, leaving us on the bed, and we reposition ourselves, lying down on our sides facing each other.
and no, it's not awkward at all.
"i'm going to get you back," i say.
you raise an eyebrow in the cutest kind of way. "oh, REALLY?"
i pause for a moment with a smile on my face... and then i pounce.

i take your blanket and wrap it around your whole body. (well, at least, i TRY lmfao)
you're struggling against me playfully, but you let me wrap you like a messy mummy --
and then i roll you off the bed.

(lmao, now that i think about it, this would actually hurt if i did this in real life. XD)

i'm dying laughing once again on the bed.
you kneel and pop your head up over the edge of the high bed and say,
"ohhh, you're going to wish you never did that..."

i fake a scared look.
when you lunge at me, i'm prepared --
i hold out my hands in front of me and grasp at your shoulders, trying to push you away.
i yell playfully, "ahhhh, get away from me!" but you mercilessly take my blanket and easily wrap my small self in it.
and you shove me off the bed with a triumphant laugh.

thump!
i get up from the floor: "ow, that actually kind of hurt!"
i get back on the bed and we start laughing together.

we lie on our backs, side by side.
after a few moments of comfortable silence, we both realize that andrew never came back.
"wtf-where did andrew go?" i say.
you chuckle to yourself like you often do. "psh, i have no idea."

all of a sudden, the phone rings by the doorway.
i jump up to get it, nearly trip on the blankets that have wrapped around my foot and cause me to nearly fall off the bed.
i answer it, and look back at your once-again laughing self.

"hello?"
-hears tagalog-
i'm standing facing you (you're watching me) and i roll my eyes as i say, "i'm sorry i only speak english." you sit up against the headboard, an amused grin on your face.
"oh, sorry. hi irene! i just wanted to ask you-what church is it that you play organ at again?"
i lean against the door, and let myself slide down to the floor. then you come over to the edge of the bed an lie on your stomach, propping your head up with your hand.
"i play at st. eugene's..." i say with a confused tone.
"oh! so i was right! i just wanted to tell you what a great job you do during the services-you really want me to stand up and sing!"
i smile, and i see YOU smile with me at the tidbits of conversation you hear.
"oh really?-thanks-yeah, haha-yes-yes-;-laughs--ah, thanks for calling! it really means a lot!"
i hang up, and you question me with your eyes.
"oh, it was just some parishioner that wanted to compliment me on my service-playing. she said that i play really well, and i always encourage her to sing... wow, that has never happened before!"
you laugh at me and make room so that we're lying side by side again.
"nah, i bet she's right-you're really good."

we look to the side at each other for a long moment.
....and then your cell phone rings.

now it's YOUR turn to jump up and answer it, and my turn to laugh at you.
you stand up, look the caller ID, and say to me, "it's my mom."
and you answer it and start pacing, i'm feeling sad inside because i'm sure she's on her way to pick you up.
you hang up.
"you getting picked up?" i ask as i make room for you to lie down on the bed again.
"nah, she said something like, ‘we're staying at arthur avenue-it's close, and you can walk.'"
"damn, arthur avenue?! that IS pretty close!"
then i stare at you. "wait, this late?! need i remind you that we're not exactly in the best of areas?"
you just laugh softly at me.
... your gaze looks like it's trying to tell me something with your eyes.

"i'll go get my stuff."
you leave the bed, exit the room, and then i realize just how empty this bed seems without you.

i stare at the ceiling.
confused. happy. bewildered. ecstatic.
i think about our jokes, about how we laughed, about how we talked --
but most of all, about how comfortable we were around each other.

i've made up my mind.
i call my mom, and she comes into the room.
i ask her:
"where are those twilight invitations?"

-alarm rings-
-wakes up-

- - - - - - - - - -
DEAR LORD, SOMEBODY HELP ME.
IS THIS A SIGN?

lmfao. but seriously, the alarm clock woke me up right at this moment.
and the dream felt so vivid.... so real.
like it possibly happened.
i actually woke up with the HOPE that it actually happened.

this indecision... and the fact that i know that reality will never be HALF as good as this dream...
...
it hurts.