My status right now? "RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRR. 9 PAGES OF HELL COMPLETED ON MY BIRTHDAY. RAWRRRR." Yeah. I've been at the Fordham Library since 1 PM... and it's 6:28 right now. (God, I'm starving...) Oh yeah. And it's my birthday. Oh well... I went to Mass in the morning at St. Theresa's, and I felt ultimately depressed for some reason. I was having those involuntary tears that Dr. Morton once told me were "signs of God's grace." I seriously think she's right. I don't know what I was thinking about to make me so sad. That I was lost? Confused? Reminiscent? I really don't know. I should be happy; I was BORN on this day, for God's sake. I don't regret my life. At all. I don't truly and deeply regret any moment of it either. Church in the morning was nice. For some reason, I had a weird thought in the back of my mind that maybe Phil would sit through the same Mass also, because I had mentioned it to him last night. I felt like if I turned around, I would see him seated in the pew behind me. What a weird thought. But yeah, I felt like crying during random moments during Mass, and I have no idea why. After Mass, I went to the sacristy to ask Father Grippo for a birthday blessing, and I really love how he still remembers my name. Nevertheless, my voice was cracking as I tried talking to him. I couldn't hold it in anymore, so I went to the back room to cry in peace a little. Let things out. I prayed through my daily prayer cycle, and then God kicked me out of the room by sending an obnoxious phoner into the bathroom. Thank you. No seriously. If you hadn't done that, who knows how long I would have still been sitting there alone in the dark. Then I headed off to George's. The bum was late, lol. He was supposed to meet me at 9 and he woke up at 8:30. AND, he WALKED to George's. Freaking hilarious, lol, but I didn't mind. It started off almost awkward with Phil at breakfast today. But we covered an amazing variety of topics, some funny, some serious. NYU, Moleca's thighs, and bunch of shit in between, haha. Good stuff. Oh yeah, and he paid. Haha, good stuffff. I walked him back to Tremont. Strange though -- it may have been "small talk," but it was certainly on a different level than the kind I'd had with Casey before. It really was quite comfortable. I think I might have pushed him away a little, but honestly, I knew it would have just been awkward if I let him hug me good-bye. I've never cared to NOT hug him, but today, I just realized that our relationship wasn't like that. We have a weird friendship, and hugging is just not part of it. "Where's the bus stop?" "It's over there... see? Do you see that sign --" "Hahaa, yeah, I see it. Thank God I'm not that blind." "So, you're just going to go?" "Yeahh. Thanks for breakfast." lol. - - - - - - - - - Afterwards, I came home and encountered some interestingly nice bus drivers. I also bumped into Ivy on the bus! Made my day to see her after so long, but she seemed slightly distracted for some reason. I also suspected that she forgot today was my birthday, but I didn't mention; she did make up for it later though by leaving me a great voicemail. ♥ - - - - - - - - I got back to an empty house with no intention of staying. I called my dad and tried to get myself permission to go to the NYPL library by Times Square, but instead went to Fordham Library. That was fine, because I found a comfortable spot with plenty of light to do work for 5 1/2 hours. Insane. At least I completed 9 pages of hell on my birthday. Oh yeah, a slight shout out to the black guy who sat across from me. You got up to move your adapter plug when you realized my MacBook plug wouldn't fit the right way: Thank you. Then we went to Red Lobster, my favorite spot to eat because of the food and the quick (and absolutely perfectly-timed!) service, with Tita Florence and Uncle Ken. The food was great, as always. A great finale for the day. Now, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I was hoping it was going to be a repeat of South Street Memorial Day, but Paul can't make it, and Gabe just doesn't want to come. Now I'm sad. Tomorrow is my last chance at freedom before school confines me again. - - - - - - - - - Speaking of confinement, I just remembered! This was one of the things that made my day. :] Matt Leonen Happy Birthday! Keep your old self as a friend who laughs with you at both your past successes and failures, but let her bind you to your goals and successes. See her as source of experience and consultation, but remember that it is you who can always... choose your path. ~Matt's List of Fortune Cookie Quotes. Lucky Numbers 1, 5, 11, 21. Me: Thanks! :D And oooh, I really like that. Funny, yesterday I had a status up about letting go of the past. xD. Do you really collect them? XD. Matt: Collect them? I make them :D Me: Ahhh... I like it :] Thank you. Matt: Welcome, and have a kickass birthday. Me: Will do. :]