[open wounds and i drag them along the bob wire fence and bleed everywhere until i have nothing.] * * * i wanna scream. at the top of my lungs. and beg. beg for anything. beg for dale to come rescue me and take me away from everything i hate here. beg for tim to pretend love me and take care of me forever. beg to die in my sleep with no sound and no tears and no breath. beg for that girl [that i once knew] to come back and show me. i wasnt always this way. i wasnt always sad. * * * he writes that he dreams of how we could be or whatever. he doesnt believe it himself. he writes it down as if to convince himself of something good. there isnt anything good about him. nothing. [but i dream of his laughter, and smile with crooked teeth, and his touch, and his words, and everything that comes with a blue eyed boyfriend.]