why is everyday feeling like the worst day of my life? what is it about the end of january that makes me afraid to fall asleep at night because i know i'll eventually wake up? the days are so long. the nights are so lonely. im trying to find something good to write about in my diary but ive serioulsy forgotten how to smile. everything is getting worse. im just going to be blunt. they arent improving at all. not even a little. i need gina. shes always too busy i feel. or something. i dont know. and aimees gone too. and kris doesnt know what to say. and jenn has no idea how im feeling. and i hope tim dies in a big fiery explosive car/train wreck. not really. but i wish he could be more considerate sometimes. but then again. would him not having feelings for girls really be more considerate? i mean what is he actually doing wrong? its been almost a year. when will i be over this? i need to find a new guy. i ♥ mike white. but hes way too far away. that will just never happen. my dad hates my guts. i think he prays for me to die in my sleep sometimes. i wouldnt put it past him. we dont even glance at each other. not for one second. * * * im being so paranoid. i think someone stole something from me. but i havent discovered it missing. and i dont know what i have of value that anyone would take. * * * im seriously hopeless. and yes, i will sleep on it. but i cant guarantee i will get out of bed in the morning, if i even wake up.