i dont recognize tim anymore. it makes me cry when i look up in the heat of having sex. i dont know who i fell in love with. not that. not who he is today. hes a stranger. i feel as if im being raped, and i scream. and start crying. he doesnt know what to do. so he leaves me. im hiding under the covers afraid of what he might say. "you creep me out." and thats not a surprise. of course i creep him out when im fucking crying for no reason. i creep myself out. and i dont like him. and i dont ever want to see him again. i always knew it would be like this. and all the progress ive made in the past year. was down the drain with the drop of khaki pants. i guess im starting over. i dont know if i'll make it this time.