i had an insight this morning on the way to work that im not sure if i can recall now due to the blunt i just smoked. hmm. it was something like: bean, i love you. i dont necessarily take pills to cover up or forget my everyday problems. i just like getting fucked up, plain and simple. i have more fun and feel more socialable. ive lately been feeling anxious or nervous around crowds or groups of people and it just calms me down. i know you think i overdo it but i know what my limits are. im not suicidal and i know when its too much. i know your worried sometimes but i want you to push it off your shoulders like dandruff. im a big girl now, just like you. we know what we want to do and we know no one can stop us. i think it just seemed like a problem at western because bars were so plentiful that week and i hadnt had any days off. i just wanted to party. i cant afford to do xanax like i used to. i promise you that there is nothing to worry about. & i would never break that promise.