there are some things that bother my mind and occasionally i find that chip on my shoulder to be enough to flip me the fuck out. i stress myself to a point of no return. my eyes are poufy. my cheeks are red. dried tears down my face past my chin to my neck. my heart beats fast and i just want to scream and the let all the anger out at once in one horrifying scream. maybe i wish for the scream to kill me, because then i will finally be in peace. but if the scream would just settle my soul, i might be able to live another day. i have found in my travels from florida to middle school to high school to stoners to a new house to new friends that there isnt anything you cant get over. there isnt anything that wont one day slip your mind. eternal memories do not exist. and im fine with that. i have pictures but they just pile up in my closet and i rarely look at them and i imagine them burning up in a fire one day and i as i walk upon the ashes i find one half burnt one with a piece just clear enough to see myself smiling. then i will know in my head that i was happy. eternal love does not exist either. i read in a magazine of a recently unearthed "couple" from like cave people times holding onto each other. they're being called the lovers. but fuck, i bet it was just cold. no one can ever make me feel like i want them to. im remain unsatisfied, therefore moving from guy to guy to satisfy certain parts of my life's view of pleasure and happiness. i believe the reason we are here is to be happy. our jobs, schools, and society have held us back. im letting go of that. i will conform, yes. but my spirit and mind will always be free. and in the summer, i will bask in the sun and enjoy the simple things in life that were supposed to make us happy. and with a little drug use here and there, i just might actually be enjoying myself.