back to the bed with just the pillows and blanket and me. i hum a carefree song in my head to go with the summer and the sleep. there's no more calls or looks, no drop-ins, no contact. stars flicker in the sky, little suns a million years away. i think of a future that isn't where i am now and i try to get there. two dragonflies buzz past and fly somewhere over the fence. words that i say are ponderous in their execution. a strange feeling drips from my head. though unknown to most everyone, there is something growing inside. takeover the city in my brain it does. marching down the aisles, everyone laughs and drinks and becomes like children. one day this idea will sweep over my tiny self and absorb me into its skin and blood. when some of them break and fall, i will retreat into a canopy of dim gloom and return with grinning and snickering. under a low crack in the wall ants can crawl in and they do. one, and then another, and then another, and then another, and off they go, back home, feeding their naked queen. a mirage she is and by name they call her. so far, every day of my life, the morning has came and it was bright. all these doors are everywhere, taunting and mocking. certainty doesn’t much live with me, so to the open fields i walk. above my troubled head the sky holds air for my breathes. no commitments can be seen anywhere from my eyes, no fires can be felt anyplace by my hands. but i am still young and i am still alive. silly people are seen wandering and gazing about waiting to discover some significance. how far they do reach, what strong longing intoxicates them so. i am soaked with the gift of heartache. my orbit gets pulled more and more astray everyday. unfamiliarity is running without constraint here in this place. sounds like voices echo in ears imploring for joy. far beyond mountains a dream does live and a girl does sit. i have tried to be free but a deafening pain persists. plans do not exist but on a blind evening, during some unsuspecting sundown, candles will light. so far, every day of my life, night has came and it has been dark. but i am still young and i am still alive.