"i don't know. i don't really think about marriage when i ask a girl out. i just kind of look at it as a person that i would like to get to know and have some good times together." "well let me tell you something, tom," she said. "she is certainly thinking of marriage. everything you do she is evaluating whether or not you would be a good person to be with forever." "that sort of scares me, a bit," i said. is this true? i wonder if it is. i just want them to come up to me and say: this is what i think of you, and this is what i think you are about, and this is why i like/don't like you. and i want honesty, goddammit. my way would make everything so much easier. it would take all the guessing and speculating out of it. people should see things my way. i'll fall in love with someone other than myself sometime, and it will be good. i was talking to that other one on the long bus ride to the art museum. we had a pleasant conversation on the way there. she's so scared. she knows she can't believe she met someone like me. she's scared that she wants me and that she thinks i would be so great for her, but she does not know if she can simply give up one relationship that is already steady and comforting for another one that could be even better (but also could be worse). she's not impulsive enough or daring enough to do it, i don't think, which i why i put so much effort into convincing her. it will hit her, many days from now, that she made a very large mistake and she might even cry about it. (can i have some gum? this isn't gum. it's not? no, these are pills that make me feel more comfortable and relaxed around people. oh.. what are they? i'm not telling, they're my secret. you should just tell me, i'd understand. no.) i want to kiss that one very much. edit: haha, i must sound so goddamn arrogant.