"i wanna die just like jesus christ i wanna die on a bed of spikes i wanna die, come see paradise i wanna die just like jfk i wanna die on a sunny day i wanna die in the usa i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die" i'm terrible and sick. i want to stop that terrible feeling. i want to go back in time. i need to put something in me to not care about anything at all, the way i want to feel. i need to know things that maybe i should not know. i need to listen more and i need to be less curious, more adventurous. i need to run away and be free. i want to know those situations and thoughts but afterwards i know that i didn't want to hear them. i want to go back in time. i want to stop caring, i want to run somewhere. i want to be content with knowing nothing. i want to not want to write things similar to this. i want. i want. i want. i want to cut it all out and lock it in some sturdy box in a cold cellar. i want to get away, only a few hours a day will do. i want to sleep and dream and dream. i want things that don't exist. i want to feel need. i want to know how nothing feels. i think tomorrow i will feel like being alone. i can sense one of those days coming up on me, sneaking in the dark. tonight feels exceptionally long. i feel stuck under my own head. i feel like something's got hold of me. and i feel like i would like to slip away from it, whatever it is. i'm tired of complaints coming out of those stupid holes in faces. let's all keep quiet for, oh, a little while at least. tuesday. yes, tuesday i think i'm going to drink a lot of get really drunk. i am going to get really drunk and stay drunk for a long time. i think that sounds like an excellent, unparalled plan, a prime way to spend the evening. well gee, this whole thing sure as shit came from out of the blue.