It’s not the way you see me It’s the way you let me down I can’t believe that it hurts this much When I hear your voice You’re calling out to me Though you know I can’t be with you Chorus: So please don’t leave Just remember to keep some distance And remember you’ve already had your chance with me I hope you see I could never be without you Just try to see the way that I see It’s not the way you need me It’s the way you drag me down I can’t believe that it hurts this much I still hear your voice You’re calling out to me Though you know I can’t be with you Repeat Chorus You’re a constant echo That I hear ringing in my ears I see you I see the way you see me You’re a constant hurting That gets the best of me I see you - I see the way you see me remind you of anything? damn straight it does...

jealous, fake people are really pissing me off. get over yourself. seriously. why the fuck must you ruin the only good thing i have in my life? why do you feel the need to come between me and one of the greatest things i have. just because you can't have it doesn't mean that others shouldn't. fuck you! you blow everything out of proportion. absolutely everything! you hear something and automatically assume that that means its true. check your stories, go straight to the source, stop being such a fucking bitch about stuff!

i love him. god help me if it ruins us both. god help me i'll update later

sometimes loving someone can be very bad for your health. and this song couldn't be more appropiate for this

doubt by : me :-) we tore each other apart, ripped at the seems of our already fragile hearts. we screamed and we yelled, we were both so scared of what we really felt. everything's broken, everythings dead, and you think i'm so easy to be read. the sparks are gone, the love is no more, and i swear i won't cry when you walk out that door. i gave you my heart, i gave you my soul, and you sit there and say it was all so poor. we turned each other inside out, how can there still be any doubt?

today was the worst day of my life. minus getting to see mrs. beihl. that was the best thing to happen to me since Febraury :-) work with staceyface was pretty nice. we talked and goofed around and just had a good time. its nice to feel comfortable around her again, things were a little, weird there for a while i can't sleep. and have wasted by carrie underwood stuck in my head. and i desperately want to go sit outside and talk to someone on the phone, just like the old days, too bad i have no friends to call and nothing to talk about other than the fact that i'm so fucking tired of bending over backwards for everybody and doing everything and anything for everyone and anyone and getting nothing in return. i'm so fucking tired of being alone. its not even funny anymore. its just not comments that make sense this time

I stood there tryin' to find my nerve Wondering if a single soul on Earth Would care at all Miss me when I'm gone That old man just kept hanging around Lookin' at me, lookin' down I think he recognized That look in my eyes Standing with him there I felt ashamed I said, You know, I haven't always felt this way I've had my moments, days in the sun Moments I was second to none Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do today was ... okay? first period was uber short. which sucks. daniel chopped all his hair off and still looks cute. kevin and i are actually getting along, like really well, i'm uber happy about that. third period was a bust. the pie tasted like crap. two kids got sent to the office, one to top. we all bullshitted the whole period lunch was fun. i talked to laur and aaron. then sat w/ nikki, kelsey, may, and austin and talked and joked around. it was the best. yearbook was ok. it was really tense at first, but then things evened out. we delevired cookie dough, that was exciting. then we just sat around ds was spent talking about stacey's b-day party and random stuff like that seventh period was pretty gay. we got some packet on which bao, makayla, and i bs'd the whole thing. it was so gay. then we just sat there and played around on our computers then i went and sat outside and lesley wasn't there so stacey called kevin and told him to tell her to come up front. she did and i gave her her note. then we sat there and talked. then staceyface left and lesley and i sat there and talked about the recent events... mom came and got me and we went shopping. came home and changed. went to dinner w/ her and dad. then we went to target, blockbuster, and wawa. after that we came home and watched csi which was surpisingly good tonite. too little of greg though. i'm outta comments please even if their ridicolously random and pointless, anything would be nice :-)

"If you have it [love], you don't need to have anything else. If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." Sir James M. Barrie goodbye

our homework for mr. donahue is to get married and have 1.2 children. lol. way to go! anyways... i'm really happy and excited today. idk why. nothing that great has happened, i just feel really happy :-) comments i'll update later. i promise

today's been boring US & VA History watched a movie in which mark harmon narrates :-). but we didn't get to hear him :-(. took the quiz that i failed... Foods & Wellness she made these really good cinamon roll thingys. we did worksheets. thats about it lunch we can maked anything and everything on this planet sound perverted. lol. we had fun. it was great :-) yearbook eastman wasn't here. our sub let us do anything we wanted so we were sitting in our corner listening to music and just goofing off. :-) i have to go to algebra II next. grr. i hate that class comments

i just took a quiz on civil rights. which i failed. go me! guess thats what i get for watching criminal minds and csi: new york instead of studying. but its all good. i bullshitted the whole thing. i'm good at that. :-) anyways... both shows were good last night. criminal minds point #1 - j.j needs to bring back curly hair point #2 - i can't even get a fucking cell signal in the damn ukrops, how the hell did derek get a signal in the middle of the fucking mountains, i've been camping before, it just doesn't work that way point #3 - the scene at the end, with j.j and reid sitting on the plane together, i like to believe that their legs were touching, actually, you know what, i believe they were :-) csi: new york #1 - mac didn't do it. get over yourselfs #2 - cold case crossever? wtf? #3 - no danny and lindsay :-( #4 - stella was a cute little girl #5 - adam is my new hero #6 - that kid was pyschotic. end of story so yeh. i feel like total crap, my stomach is killing me. this weekend's gonna suck too :-( kevin's not here. he's been scaring me lately with the way he's been acting, its very, unlike him, in so many ways. mr. dunham yelled at us, once again, because we wouldn't move from the hallway. get a life! alana won't be here today, she's playing for the queen, screw her. lol i'm out! comments please

so... its storming. yay. and today was boring. and i want some pizza. like really bad. and i wanna go to the beach. and i have to take my behind the wheel test may 21-23 with stacey and coach rollison. that could be... interesting. blah. i'm gonna go make some food. comments please

"Who was your last?" just be 100% truthful LAST PERSON. 1. You hung out with? mom 2. You texted? sent = kevin received = kevin 3. You were in a car with? mom 4. Went to the movies with? mom and dad 5. Went to the mall with? mom 6. You talked on the phone? gaynelle 7. Made you laugh? aaron 10.You cried with? laur WOULD YOU RATHER...? 1. Pierce your nose or tongue? nose 2. Be serious or be funny? depends 3. Drink whole or skim milk? whole 4. Die in a fire or get shot? neither ANSWER TRUTHFULLY... 1. Sun or moon? moon 2. Winter or Fall? fall 3. Left or right? right 4. Sunny or Rainy? i like both 6. Where do you live? glen allen 8. Do you want to get married? at some point 9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? both 10. Have you ever eaten S.P.A.M? no 13. Do You Cook? yes 14. Current mood? bored and tired IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU... 1. Kissed someone? no 2. Sang? yes 3. Been hugged? yes 5. Danced Crazy? yes 6. Cried? ues 7. Liked someone you can't have? yes Repost this as "Who was your last?" ________________________________________ B e s t 1. Male friend: Lane. Kevin. Austin. Aaron. Jesse. Bao. Robert. Daniel 2. Female friend: Sydney. Lauren. Nikki. Kelsey. Lesley. Alana. Stacey. K-Tuck. Heather. Julie. Makayla 3. Vacation: Lake Lure W o r s t 1. Time of day: waking up 2. Day of the week: Monday. blah 3. Food: seafood 4. Memory: hmm… having my heart break … L a s t 1. Person you saw: Mom 2. Talked to on the phone: Mom 3. Hugged: Lesley 4. Text: Kevin 5. messaged over myspace: Laur T o d a y 1. What are you doing now: wathcing SVU 2. Wearing: gym shorts and a tank 3. Better than yesterday: yes T o m o r r o w 1. Is: Wednesday 2. Got any plans: school 3. Goal: get some yearbook stuff done 4. Dislikes about tomorrow: idk F a v o r i t e 1. Number: 8 2. Song: Stand - the Rascal Flats 3. Color: Blue. Lime green. Hot pink 4. Season: all C u r r e n t l y 1. Missing someone: yes 2. Mood: tired 3. Wanting: to go to bed

i'm sitting in the middle of the yearbook room blaring Glamorous on my i-pod and waiting for kevin to text me back. fun? ehh sort of. lmao so today was pretty interesting. and boring. and its really really hot outside. like, smoking. i'm so glad that i wore a tank-top under my t-shirt. yippee! summer's finally coming. i can't wait. i wanna go to the beach SO FUCKING BAD!! anyone wanna go/take me? hmm? any takers? i'll love you forever. lol so i'm about to go to algebra II and i absolutely HATE that class and that teacher. grr i'll update later comments? :-)

my parents are home! thank god! work was fun last night w/ k-tuck. i love that girl. we played on the infaltables after our party went into the room b/c dana was too busy yelling at luke. lmao. it was great. then we cleaned and then went to sheetz and then she brought me home. nothing much else happend. then i went to work with jill today and that was pretty sweet, we had a great time. espicially since we only had 3 parties :-). then meme came and got me and took me home where i changed and then nick and i left to go to the airport to pick my parents up. their flight got delayed and things were fucked up for a while. but they made it home alive, i've never been so fucking happy to see them in my life. :-) people are being espicially resentful towards me lately. and i have done or said nothing to anyone. hell, the only people i ever talk to are my yearbook girls, laur, kels, and lesley. and yet i'm all of sudden the bad person because i don't sit around and get myself wrapped up with people who do nothing but screw me over in the end. hmm? sound fair? i think not. but w/e, they'll never change. anyways... i finally have a freaking sunday off. next week. i'm excited. i haven't had a sunday off in two and a half months. god i really need it too. my aunt's supposed to be coming over for a little while to work on stuff for my g-ma's party and too just hang-out. exciting? yes sirree :-) time to go finish homework and watch Criminal Minds peace out homes ♥ comments are always nice ;)

you're a cheat, a thief, a liar, a heart-breaker, a good for nothing waste of space. i wish u were dead. gone. out of my life forever. you've done nothing but fuck everything up. everything. nothing will ever be the same thanks to you. you tore my life apart and you think that i can ever forgive you. how could we ever be the same after what you put me through? how? its not possible. so don't come running to me for an apology. never. i will never say i'm sorry to you. ever again. god why were we so fucking stupid?! and before everyone goes all psycho-bitch on me, it is not about any of you. so no, you have no right to go off on me for that. anyways... idk what it is with people these days. get over it. move on. i've accepted it, why the fuck can't you? and again. that isn't about a single one of you. lesley and i are like best-friends now. weird? i know. i mean, she's the ex-girlfriend (like 5 times over) of the guy that i love(d). but she's the greatest. she understands me. she actually talks to me about my problems. when i'm upset and tell her that nothing's wrong she's the only person (besides lane) who fights with me to get the real answer. we share something in common. we got our hearts-broken by the same guy (for different reasons, but still). we both have to sit by and watch him move on with his life. both of us have lost everyone that we have ever needed and wanted to be in our lives. we've both lost our best-friend. we've both lost him... speaking of him...things with kev have evened out. i've come to terms with how i feel about him. i'll always love him, but its no longer that feeling of 'omg! i wanna be your girlfriend' anymore. its very comforting actually. i wished him the best of luck with ginny, and in all truth, i really hope this works out, for both of their sakes. we've been talking more comfortably now, we see each other as friends, not as tolerated enemies anymore, its like it was in the beginning, god you have no idea how long i've waited for this to come back into my life. we ran into them at prom. and when laur and i got left alone we found the two of them and aaron and randal and lindsay and danced. like mad crazy. it was amazing. ginny even pulled me into the group and made me dance with them, and we actually talked. i think we scared kev. i think thats kind of the point i wanted to prove. i wanted to show him that no matter what the two of us had been through, no matter how many hard feelins had been there before, they were now gone. i want nothing but the world for him, and he honestly deserves nothing less, at least not in my eyes. and if letting him go and having him be truely happy without me nagging at his brain and heart every five seconds is was it takes, than so be it. and... its working. i'm moving on. and then there's laur. i'm closer with her than i am with anyone else on this planet (she's rite there with syd, lane, and les). who would've thought, considering our relationship a year ago this time. i can tell her anything. she doesn't bitch at me because of how i feel. she's actually proud of me for moving on and for what i've done for myself and for him. she actually cares about me. she's the definition of a good friend. thats about it. oh yeh. we got out of school in just under two months! i'm so excited. this summer means freedom. i won't have to put up with this bull-shit anymore. granted it means no wacky DS times with yearbook. no more attacking Rob at lunch. no more driving mr. fristoe crazy. no more talking to kev, and brandon, and daniel, and all those guys. but it also means no more drama. no more having to deal with idiots and there little cliques and their fucked up ways. no more watching people make stupid decisions. my parents come home in just under 48 hours. i've never been more excited in my life :-) comments?

repost as 4O TRUTHS Today Did You-- 1. talk to a boy/girl you like today? yes 2. realize anything new? yes 3. talk to an ex? none to talk too 4. miss someone? yes Last person who-- 5. slept in your bed? besides me? eh... I think Lauren fell asleep while she was on the phone with Jesse 6. saw you cry? Stacey 7. you went to the movies with? mom 8. went to the mall with you? mom & dad 9. you said "i love you" to? eh... Ziva 10. that made you laugh? dad 11. said they loved you Lauren 12. that called you in the middle of the night? it wasn't exactly the middle of the night... Stacey 13. do you have a crush on someone? not really... Just plain questions-- 14. what book are you reading? the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn 15. best feeling in the world being loved. having friends. water rusing over your face. being hugged by the one(s) you love 16. favorite location? Lake Lure, NC 17. piercing/tattoos? ears 18. what are you most scared of right now? well there's something I need to clarify with someone before I can make a big step and move on and I'm absolutely petrified because I have no one to talk to about it 19. where do you want to get married ? Ireland 20. who do you really hate? this one girl... 21. does anyone hate you? of course 22 do you like being around people? depends on who they are and what they want 23. have you ever cried? all the fucking time 24. are you lonely right now? no really 25. song stuck in your head right now? Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift 27.ever liked someone, but you think they never noticed you? yes... 28.ever liked someone who treated you like crap? haha. I love that person 29. how many beds did you lay in yesterday? one 30. what color shirt are you wearing? black with a white t-shirt over it 31. name three things that you do every day eat. get on AIM. talk 32. do you have plants in your room? no 34. when was the last time you saw your dad? a few minutes ago 35. who got you to join myspace? someone from school 36. what did you have for dinner last night? hmm... Nachos 39. what web site do you visit the most? myspace. fanfic.net 40. does anything hurt on your body right now? yes Last person you: 1. texted: heather 2. Talked to on the phone: dad 3. IMed: stacey 4. Messaged over myspace: lauren 5. Ate with: mom & dad 6. Slept in the same bed with: eg... idk. lauren. heather. and ashley probabl Today: 1. Wearing: jeans and a long sleeve shirt with a short sleeve shirt over it 2. Better than yesterday: they've both been about equal 3. What were you doing two hours ago: taking a bath 4: Got any plans? my love will be on ET @ 7 5. Dislikes about tomorrow: exams Favorite: 1. Number(s): 8 2. Song: Our Song ... Your Gaurdian Angel ... I Get To ... Stupid Boy 3. Movie: the Devil Wears Prada Currently: 1. Are you missing someone right now: ehh. sort of 2. Mood: bored. hyper. confused. scared. happy. excited. doubtful 3. Wanting: to have someone to talk too. this weekend to come :) Q&A: Q: First thing you did this morning? A: got up Q: Last thing you ate? A: Pot Pie Q: What's bothering you right now? A: not having anyone to confide in. Q: Do you believe in long distance relationships? A: no Q: Person who is on your mind right now? A: kevin Q: Where is the last place you went? A: Blockbuster Q: Who do u look like: Mom or Dad? A: a little of both Q: Do you have any siblings? A: nope Q: Do you smile a lot? A: yes Q: Do you think that a person is thinking of you? A: most likely not Q: Do you wish upon stars? A: I used too... until I figured out that it wouldn't do me any good Q: Are you a friendly person? A: yes Q: What were you doing at 12 last night? A: hmm... tossing and turning Q: When was the last time you saw your birth father? A: a few minutes ago Q: When was the last time you cried? A: umm... idk. its been a while Q: Do you get angry easily? A: depends Q: Take any vitamins? A: not anymore Q: What are you about to do? A: go into the other room and watch my love on ET. then do a little studying. then watch NCIS. then Stargate. then SVU. then go to bed Q: Do you ever check your phone waiting for someone to call? A: yes. but no one ever calls me so its completely pointless

according to Mr. Donahue, monkeys don't dream about bannanas leave comments

i'm alone. all alone. i have no one. not anymore. well i'm sorry for trying to be a good friend. i'll just go throw myself off a building for ya. is that being a good enough friend? Psychology - Donahue has lost his knack for playing cool videos. i slept thru half of it. it was so fucking gay English - we watched the play. it was really good. except for the fact that every single kid in my class is a fucking asshole and they kept screaming and throwing things. gay fags Lunch - both tables got put up but we managed to sneak one past Donahue. it was pretty boring. Yearbook - *sigh* I randomly just broke down in tears at the beginning of class. then Ms. Eastman sent me, Stacey, & Nikki out to get quotes and I ran into Michael and he took me backstage so that I could talk to some of the guys from the play. it was pretty sweet, they were like super excited to give me quotes :-D. then I went back to class and worked on my paper but I couldn't get anywhere b/c the sluts in the corner were playing music and singing alone. so Nikki and I went into the hall to work and I got a hug from Kevin :-D (first one in a long time) and then after that I wasn't depressed anymore. until now Chemistry - the test was hard as hell. Mr. Fristoe refuses to give me scissors now. Katherine and I talked. did Honors US & VA Hist. homeowork mom came and got me. went to Dollar Tree & AJ Wright. came home and read and played Rainbow Six. watched TV. ate dinner. now I'm sitting here being extremely bored and depressed :(

THE UNCOMFORTABLE SURVEY. (lets see if you can get through it. if not, you're too scared about your past) -How many girlfriends or boyfriends have told you they love you? none. never had a boyfriend -Have you ever thought that you were going to marry a person? no -Are you crushin' on anyone right now? umm. yeh, sort of -Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt? yes -Are you happier single or in a relationship? well all I've ever been is single and that kinda sucks -Have you ever been cheated on? no -What is your favorite thing(s) about the opposite sex? personality. eyes. smile -Have you ever had your heart broken? several times -Have you ever broken someone's heart? no -Talk to any of your ex's? don't have any -If you could go back in time and change things, would you? yes -Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?: I've never had a boyfriend, which means I've never gotten to be a girlfriend, and judging by how things have gone with guys, I guess that means I'm pretty horrible at filling those shoes -Have you dated people who were not good to you? never dated anyone -Have you been in an abusive relationship? never been in a relationship -Have you dated someone older than you? never dated anyone -younger? never dated anyone -Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? not always -Believe in love at first sight? no -Ever been given an engagement ring? no -Do you want to get married? yes, but I highly doubt I ever will -Do you have something to say to any of your ex's? don't have any -Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend? haha. yes -Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? it feels a hell of a lot worse