so... I haven't really done much on here lately... I haven't been feeling like myself lately, I'm not sure how, but I haven't. I feel weird, and out of character. I've been mad at the world and yet I don't know how life with my family could get any better. I think that school has pushed me to my limit, and that's actually not the full truth. It's more like Biology has pushed me too my limit, and that's strange, because science was once my best subject, now it's English, and I've never been good English. I think my thoughts and feelings and the way that I look at the world have become more, deep. I don't see things the way that I used too, and I don't look at the world the same way that I used too. I find myself wanting too be at home, with my parents and my family, instead of being with my friends. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but I think that deep down inside I'm more scared of what's going too happen with my friends, than with my family. I find myself wanting too be back there in that old life, the life where everything was perfect, where I didn't have too cry myself too sleep every night. I want too be back there when every day ended with laughs and hugs, not tears and the hurtful words of the people that have come too hate me. Life has taken so many turns in the past few years and I just don't think that I am capable of handling them in a sane way. I find myself wanting too curl up and hide, and just let the tears take over. I find that I would rather be alone with my music and my stories instead of surrounded by the people who call themselves my friends. I am saved by the simplest little things now. Just hearing my family's voices, a simple little look from the cat, or Heather's randomness. My music seems too have taken over me, it's the only thing that seems too keep me sane, and then one of those songs that reminds me of my childhood comes on and I'm lost in thought again. I find myself staring at those photos of us, hanging out in the neighborhood, eating too much candy and going crazy, and I wish that I had never given up that part of life. I just wish that I could get away from here, just take a trip, somewhere, anywhere, that doesn't bring me too thinking about him, or about that life. I wish that there were an easier way to get over this, and him, and what happened with everything and everybody that made me like this. Even though I don't even know what it is that made me who I am today. Because I don't really like this me, this version of me isn't right, it isn't real and it doesn't seem right. so... enough with me being contemplative ...