so... its been a long and confusing year for me and a lot of other people... and this is a much needed entry that should have happened a while ago... i've been giving this a lot of thought lately... and let me note... that this entry is not meant to hurt anyone... its just how i feel about certain things and i feel the need to let it all out... (please Salem, this is not meant as a bad entry... i just need to rant about a bunch of stuff and this sort of plays in, not in a bad way though... its just sort of there) so here it goes ok... this thing with brett is slowing getting better... things are looking up... we had such a hard time getting thru things that i thing we needed our little break from each other, but we are okay now... we got our much needed break and now we are, i think, better friends than we were before... i love him so much and i just want for him to be happy... however he finds it... he's taken (sort of) and that's okay with me... i just him to be happy with this person... and i hope he does come to realize how much we both love him... and that I would never intentionaly hurt him... either one of them... they are my two closest friends and i love them soooo much... both of them... and i want them to be happy, whether they are together or apart... then this thing with Salem... GOD... we've had some rough times this year too... but he's been there for me thru everything and me for him too... its just sort-of weirding me out... not in a bad way... just in 'wow... this is really happening' sort of way... he shares the same feelings that i do toward everyone that i do... and its just a little strange... i love him to death, he's my big brother and it sort of just leaves this feeling of WOW in you when we talk... he understands me and he gets me and he loves him and i'm, in some weird way, okay with that... now... this thing with Jesse... wow... he's one of the greatest friends i've ever had... but we're just friends... nothing more... i've given up on that route... he still amazes me sometimes, but he is still one of my best-friends and i love him too this thing with heather... she's like my best-friend and i love her like a sister... and so what, we're obsessed with CSI and NCIS and MI and nick and all that stuff... OH WELL... friends are made when u have something in common with said person and i have a lot in common with her... i just hate that people make such a big deal out of it... oh well... we're friends and no one is gonna break that up and then this thing with "square"... if u read the entry with heather and i's convo in it then u sort of get that... she's just so darn nosy... and she thinks that the things that heather and i like are stupid and retarded and she makes it seem like heather and i can't be friends and that we can't hang-out and stuff... who is she to say who we are friends with... our world doesn't revolve around her... it never has and it never will... she needs to get over herself... now Lane... he's the greatest and i love him like a brother... he's been there thru everything that has been going on this year... i don't kno what i would do without him and nicole... she's a gifted person, but is one of the best friends i've had... even if she does go off on a limb to be strange sometimes... but she's still the coolest... Kimberly... now there's a cool girl... lol... she's been a good friend too... we don't talk much outside of skool, but she's still been good... we've grown a lot closer thru the fact that we seem to ahte the same people... what a way to be friends... lol... but she's still awsome... Shannon... now Shannon is a friend... she's so funny and she's done so much to make me smile... i love her like a sister and i would do anything for her... we've been thru so much together and we have helped each other thru a lot... so... now that said much needed entry has been written out and i remind you that none of this was meant to harm anyone... it was just a must needed rant... and then this... wrote it and mean it... if you promise to help me here... then comment with your name and the date... thanx Love, its a silly thing. Meant to bring happiness and joy to the world, yet, I think that it brings nothing but pain and suffering. There is no happy side to love, at least not from where I'm standing. Maybe its because I'm too far away from the water to. Maybe I should move forward and take a look at the fish in that sea, but no, I won't, here is safe. Here, away from the edge and away from the water. At least here its hard for some one to push me over. I've watched my share of 'love murders'. Family memembers and countless friends, and because I have been a witness to the pain that is inflicted when said person was pushed, I've decided that staying away from the edge. That my life and my happiness will be just fine without that risk. I love him, but chosing me would be his worst mistake, so I vow to stay away. I vow to just remain friends and that way he can't get hurt and neither can I. So here I am today, making this promise to myself, I will not fall, and I will not go near that deadly place, not again, not ever. And so I ask of you, my dearest friends, to make sure that I do not do so. You are the only ones I trust and the only ones to which I vow to live my life for. So promise that the next time you see me start to fall that you stop me, and remind me of the pain that happened when I fell for him. Promise me.