I am IN LOVE with that man. And I have no idea why. It's odd. But oh well. So Life is ... ok ... I guess Christmas was ... odd ... Wade and I had TOO much fun together. how lovely? anyways. I have no New Year's resolution, because no matter what it won't do me any good. so yes. I am a loser like that. Skool sux ass. Except I get to see him and he amazes me in SOOOO many ways. both of them do actually, UGH!!! why did this have to happen again? ~~ I have a new obsession. It's called CSI: New York! which could never hold a flame to CSI: Las Vegas?! but dammit let me tell you that that Danny Messer guy is one hot Italian! go look for yourself if you don't believe me DAMN STRAIGHT he's my hero!!! on other news. I have such love for this man I mean. How could you not? ... ~~ I have reinstated myself into my Gary Sinese phase. My that man is ... good. and my mom and I will take down ANYONE who argues. ~~ I saw him in the hall today. He actually smiled and waved. He whispered "Hey" before walking to class. *heart melts* GOD! why is that he has that affect on me still. after that I was perfect. it seemed like there really wasn't anything that could fuck up my day. ~~ even my encounter with Kevin (who still drives me crazy in more ways than one), I couldn't be more mean or rotten to ANYONE! ... ahhhhhhhh ~~ Danny Messer, my life, and hero. HA!! I wish he was my life, well he is in fiction! *wink* is on TV, wearing a wifebeater. and I swear he couldn't look any hotter! ~~ ok. so on with my life. this is posted for Heather, because she needs to read it. ~~ SECOx804: hey NCISchick08: hey SECOx804: wats crackin NCISchick08: nm homskillet. lol. just hanging out waitin for my friend to return. u? SECOx804: if your waiting on heather shes playing video games SECOx804: but im just chillen NCISchick08: lol. no not Heather. she was here earlier. my friend that lives in Illinois SECOx804: oh NCISchick08: yeh SECOx804: man it sucks the more im around her the more im likeing her alot again NCISchick08: lol. I just wish u too would get together already SECOx804: hey i wish that to SECOx804: but shes affraid of what could happen if we break up SECOx804: best i can tell NCISchick08: yeh that's what I think. but she'll never know if she doesn't take the chance SECOx804: yeah i know but she wont lisen to neone shell just have to decide on her own NCISchick08: yeh. I know. she just stubborn SECOx804: yeah SECOx804: but i dunno somethin with her is different SECOx804: normally when me and her are in the same room we kinda sit next or close to each other but when her dad comes into the room she moves to the farthest seat away from me SECOx804: but now she either dont care or i really dont know NCISchick08: lol. that's because even her dad thinks u two should be together NCISchick08: and he isn't alone SECOx804: um i dunno bout that cause he use to like warn her to keep an eye on me and shit caus ehe thought i was going to take advantage of her or soemthin SECOx804: witch i would never do SECOx804: had it done to me but never done it NCISchick08: lol. well maybe. idk. I think she moves because she does like u and she doesn't want her dad to find out NCISchick08: idk. she's just odd like that. NCISchick08: brb SECOx804: kk NCISchick08: bak SECOx804: kk SECOx804: jus a sec i have to finish this other vconvo rel quick NCISchick08: yeh. I just think that she thinks u'll hurt her or something. NCISchick08: kk SECOx804: ok SECOx804: i doubt shell be the one to get hurt NCISchick08: k. and don't tell her that I told u this. but not to long ago she told me that she wanted a guy because she wanted to feel appriciated. SECOx804: you know i can see why she fels that way NCISchick08: yeh NCISchick08: I can too SECOx804: im glad you told me that SECOx804: now i just gotta figure out a way to make her feel apriciated SECOx804: thats going to be hard SECOx804: but tonight NCISchick08: and I was like. well u have Seth, he's right there. just take a chance. and then she just sort of went of on this little tangent about how she didn't want to get hurt. she just wanted to feel loved or something. and I just left because she doesn't need to be talking. @ least she has friends that would drop everything for her @ any moment. and she has u, whether ur her b/f or not u @ least care about her and she @ least count on u whether or not she knows that SECOx804: when i was over there i got there before she did SECOx804: and we were playing video games and they have a air mattress blown up in the living roma and her dad was laying on it so i sat on the corner of it and when she came in she sat next to me and we messed arund liek we normally do and her dad was right behind us NCISchick08: I mean. she has that. I have nothing. I have two friends that I know would be there for me no matter what and one of them lives over 10 hours away. I can't count on anyone, not even her @ times, to be there no matter what. I have no one to trust and I'm so used to getting hurt and laughed @ and stabbed in the back that I've grown to just shut people out the second they even want to be friends with me. She doesn't have that problem. whereas she mite shut someone out, she can @ least trust them. I don't have with that with but 2 people. and she complains, because she has u who would do anything for her and yet apperently that isn't good enough for her. I've just learned to stop complaining because I know that nothing will change what I have, and yet she has a perfect oppuritunity and she just blows it on the small posibility that she mite get hurt. I've been hurt a billion times and yet if I had a guy like u trying to do stuff like that for me I wouldn't hide SECOx804: and then after her dad left and i dont really think it means much but we were kinda pushing back and forth on each other like makeing each other move side to side and then i kinda stoped and she push a lil and we did it again for a min for like real soft and then when i toped that time she laid her head on my shoulder NCISchick08: yeh. he's odd like that sometimes. lol. awww. see. that's so sweet. Idk. maybe I can talk some sense into her head NCISchick08: as long as she doesn't turn into me and just stops even trying SECOx804: i dunno but i kinda laid my head on hers for a sec then took it off cause dusatin killed my guy on the game NCISchick08: aww. cute. see u guys are perfect for each other SECOx804: yeah we might be but it dont matter if shes not willing to take the chance NCISchick08: yeh. well. maybe I can get her to break. she's done it before with things. SECOx804: i dunno she made it clear to me and julie hat shes not changing her mind SECOx804: but thats been a few weeks NCISchick08: yeh. a few weeks can change a person NCISchick08: we'll see. I'll try. because I think she would be happier if she @ least gave it a try SECOx804: i know i would be NCISchick08: lol. hell. I would be happier. just because she would finally have the appriciation that she wants so bad. and u would have, which means u would be happier. and I'm always happier when my friends are NCISchick08: NCISchick08: but I guess the only thing we can only do is hope. and wait. maybe she'll come around. you never know SECOx804: yeah thats true NCISchick08: people change. I'm sure she will. @ some point SECOx804: yeah but when will that some point be NCISchick08: hopefully soon NCISchick08: that's all u can hope for SECOx804: this is turning out to be like somethin that happened to me a couple years ago and after i moved on fo real and just liked her as a friend then she started likeing me NCISchick08: yeh. well. u can always just talk to her about it SECOx804: i dont know how NCISchick08: lol. i don't either, but u never knopw SECOx804: well were also never alone for very long NCISchick08: yeh well. u could always kidnap her to talk to her NCISchick08: girls like mystery. just remember that SECOx804: ok NCISchick08: lol NCISchick08: just a note SECOx804: im not good with the mystery thing NCISchick08: she is a CSI fan. mystery is good NCISchick08: well. u could always be original. tell her to get in the car and jsut drive off and not tell her where ur going SECOx804: yeah but dustin would have to be in on that to and i dont have a car nemore NCISchick08: oh. lol SECOx804: member i got hit NCISchick08: oh yrh NCISchick08: well. is Dustin a supporter of u two? SECOx804: yeah he said hed rather me go out with her than someone he didnt know NCISchick08: lol NCISchick08: yeh. u should try and get him in on it NCISchick08: whatever u decide to do anyways SECOx804: yeha i will well ill get julie in on it and then she can fill dustin in NCISchick08: yeh. lol NCISchick08: good luck' SECOx804: thanks NCISchick08: np. that's what friends are for. besides. I know that she would be easier to deal with if she had u there. SECOx804: ?????? SECOx804: wats that mean NCISchick08: I just think that she would be happier when she has something that she really wants and knows it. if she's happy with u then I know she'll be a happier person SECOx804: ahhh ok NCISchick08: yeh SECOx804: i just wish i knew how to bring it up NCISchick08: I just think she would really feel better. and I mean. I don't want this to sound mean, but when she comes around, whenever that should be, I think she's gonna feel like an idiot for not realizing that she could have been happier earlier SECOx804: yeah probly NCISchick08: actaully. this isn't intended to be mean. I hope she feels like an idiot, just so that she can know that we were right when we said that things would work out SECOx804: lol NCISchick08: yeh SECOx804: brb midnight fridge raid NCISchick08: and like I told my friend. she's gonna hurt @ some point. most likely not by you, but even if it should turn out that way. it's gonna happen, heartbreaks a part of life. I've been thru it enough to know. but when she does get hurt. it's not like she'll have to get thru it alone. I mean, we'll just eat Mac&Cheese and watch Gilmore Girls and rant about how guys suck. and after she cries for a little while, she'll be ok. and then hopefully things will work, between her and whoever it is that hurts her. but I don't think ur the type to break a girls hurt NCISchick08: kk SECOx804: baq NCISchick08: YAY. lol SECOx804: lol NCISchick08: geeze. I'm talking to my friend and I just realized that I always fall for the Losers. ha. go me SECOx804: lol NCISchick08: yeh. geeze, I've had three major crushes in my life. one turned Gay for a whole summer. One is the biggest retard ever. and the other is my best-friend SECOx804: wow that sucks SECOx804: my 3 biggest crushes ever NCISchick08: yeh. it's very hard. espicially since my best-friend is like the greatest guy in the world, and I'm apperantly not the only one who thinks so SECOx804: one liked me but i didnt know then we bcame really good friends and figured outwe like each other at the same time but were to dumb to realize it then my second one has a bf and has had the same b/f since ive known her and the third would be heather the ne that wont take a chance on me NCISchick08: lol. well. we'll make her come around SECOx804: i dont wanna make her do nething i want her to decide on her own NCISchick08: yeh I kno. I just think if we were able to point it out to her and make her see it then maybe she would come around SECOx804: yeah probly like i had to do to dustin NCISchick08: lol NCISchick08: yeh. well that took work on both of their ends SECOx804: not really not julie that much it was mainly dustin that was the challenge NCISchick08: yeh. we just had to gently push Julie and she was in NCISchick08: Dustin was like moving the Empire State Building with a shovel. SECOx804: more like a toothpick NCISchick08: lol SECOx804: im goiun to bed night NCISchick08: night ~~ *And if you had ever said that life would be this hard without you than I never would have let you go* -Me *Sunny days seem to hurt the most, I wear the pain like a heavy coat, and the only thing that gets me through, is I know, I'll see you again some day* -Kenny Chesney *You never know how much you love someone until their gone* -IDK who said it, but GOD is it true ~~ and I leave you with this *Wish I was too dead to cry, the self-affliction fades, stones to throw at my creator, Masochist to which I cater. You don’t need to bother I don’t need to be I’ll keep slipping farther But once I hold on I won’t let go ‘til it bleeds Wish I was too dead to care If indeed i cared at all Never had a voice to protest So you fed me shit to digest I wish I had a reason My flaws are open season For this I gave up trying One good turn deserves my dying You don’t need to bother I don’t need to be I’ll keep slipping farther But once I hold on I won’t let go ‘til it bleeds Wish I died instead of lived The zombie hides my face Shelf forgotten with its memories Diaries left with cryptic entries You don’t need to bother I don’t need to be I’ll keep slipping farther But once I hold on I won’t let go ‘til it bleeds You don’t need to bother I don’t need to be I’ll keep slipping farther But once I hold on I’ll never look down my deceits* -"Bother" by Corey Taylor of Slipknot