this entry is not intented to offend to anyone!!!!!! but help comes from the most unexpected people nowadays.
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----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Brittany
To: Karen
yeh. the only thing I realy like about driving is that I can go places and not need my parents. lol
yeh. it is. they suck, a lot. yeh. basically I fell for him, he said that he fell for me. but apparently he didn't. so things just got out of hand. and so yeh. but I kinda fell for him more than just "like". ya know? and so we're kinda like best-friends, kinda not, it depends on who's around. and I miss him like super crazy. *sigh* its kinda sad actually. lol
yeh. she mentioned her party and that she'd invite Kevin if I wanted her too. and I said yes. so I guess that means that I'm invited. we'll see.
yeh. my parents are driving me insane, and I don't even see them all day. lol. only on the weekends
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Karen
To: Brittany
Almost the same with my parents. Well... they're too busy telling me to do homework and yelling at me to take me anywhere. Asian parents! gosh lol
Mmm... yeah... I know a thing or two about broken hearts. Kevin... when it comes to love and romances, I don't really trust what Kevin would say. You know or feel that you should emotionally separate yourself from him, but at the same time, you can't? Because you somehow need him? And if you can't get anything worked out, at least you can talk to each other?
I basically live in my room. I even sneak food up to my room to eat. My mom's really anal about food in anywhere except the kitchen. I have the computer here, the TV in the room outside of my room... two annoying brothers... who needs parents?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Brittany
To: Karen
lol
yeh. I don't trust what he says now. but you got it right. I can't get him out of my head. I feel lost without him. it sucks. because when other people are around, I hardly matter. so idk. its just how things work. and I've kinda just settled with that. and we don't really talk a whole lot, sometimes we do, but lately its almost like he could care less so I've just resigned myself to that. I'm used to it. I've just settled with the fact that what I have with Kevin is as far as I'm gonna get with a guy, ever. which is sad, considering we have nothing. so yeh. it sucks
lol. thats always fun. I'm right between the bathroom and the kitchen. so I have never have to go very far. lol
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Karen
To: Brittany
After the first few weeks of knowing him, he struck to me as that type. The... guy that flirts with everyone, makes out with everyone, etc etc. My advice is think about him as much as you can. Don't try to stop thinking about him. Daydream, think of scenarios, whatever makes you happy. Eventually, you'll remember the heartbreak, and will get sick of thinking about him, and you'll stop. Eventually.
Believe it or not, there's a guy much better for you out there... it just requires some luck and some searching. You may not have the hardcore feelings for the new guy, but you'll feel that he's so compatible with you, it won't matter.
I have my own bathroom... that I need to clean this weekend. I've slacked cleaning it last week, so... That's about the only negative. Well, my bathroom is the one that's open to the entire second floor, so if guests want to use it... Other than that, bathroom, TV... it's the food that's missing.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Brittany
To: Karen
yeh. he is kinda the type. when u get to know and stuff he's actually not as bad. he's just too confusing. lol. I try to things like that. and the heartbreak is there every day. every time I see everyone else around me happy and in love and together. and all that stuff. it hurts. but I just don't know how to get anything better
yeh. I wish I actaully believed that. I've settled b/c all I've had is disapointment and heartbreak. i've been through so much with guys that I've pretty much just said to hell with being happy. after soooo many times of being disappointed and not having any reason to look for anything or expect anything better you just start to give up. so idk
lol. I have my own, but its the only one downstairs so guests use it and so does my dad, but all he does is use the bathroom, thank god he doesn't shower.
well I'm gonna try and get some sleep now. i'll talk to ya tomorrow. or later, depending on how the sleeping goes. thanx for the help :-D
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Karen
To: Brittany
I know Kevin moderately well. He's confusing at times, but the scary part is, I actually understand what he's talking about 90% of the time.
The getting-over process is supposed to hurt. Trust me. It's going to hurt. A lot. And for a while. There's no successful journeys in life without its obstacles. Brittany, you're in high school. You can't possibly think you've met all the men the world has to offer. The boys in high school are still going through puberty, hormones are alive and kicking more for them than for us, and they're too fucking immature to take a relationship seriously.
Of course there are ones like Kevin, the guys that seem to not care. But there are considerate ones out there. There's a point in my life where I believed such people are either gay or taken. Obviously, I've grown a bit more optimistic, and I have met some of those wonderful people out there.
But until then, don't talk about settling on someone. I know very well what you're talking about. It seems hopeless now, but you haven't been in a spell for four years like I have. Four fucking years of emotional torture over one guy. But I'm for the most part am out of it. You can. I'm sure this part of advice won't mean much to you now though.
Mmm... sleep... I should get some of that too.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Brittany
To: Karen
yeh. I know I shouldn't settle, but its hard when all you've ever been is let down. its so hard that I just don't have the energy to even fight for more. I've been dealt a bad hand and I just don't have the energy or emotional and mental strength to keep going. no matter what.
yeh I know that. and I think they all are either gay or taken, b/c if their are some that are single I sure as hell ain't ever met one of them. lol.
yeh. well I went through the same thing with Brett. and that was in 8th grade, but things in that "relationship/friendship" were part his fault, part somebody's elses. I learned to let go of Brett, I'll always care about him and be his friend, but after what he did too me we can't go back to what we were. and then I was stupid enough to let Kevin do it too. after I swore I wouldn't let it happen again. so I've just given up because I'm tired of being in so much pain
yeh. it felt nice. now I have to get ready for an exciting day of shopping. woo hoo
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Karen
To: Brittany
Of course it's hard. But you'll make it through. Don't bother fighting it. Just let everything slide. Try not to do anything to stop it. Eventually, something inside you will be sick of everything, and you WILL stop.
Don't fight for something more in a relationship. If it's meant to be, it'll come. The most you can do is try to hang around someone as much as you can.
The world is pretty big. There ARE decent guys out there. You shouldn't trust a single high school filled with hormones driven idiots like ours to have a healthy sample of them.
You learned to let go of Brett. Why don't you think you'll learn to do the same for Kevin? It's too early to tell, don't you think?
Well, for me, I can prevent myself from getting into another situation by being totally aware of my feelings for anyone else. I don't know if it'll work for you, but just lay down somewhere quiet, and just start thinking. Think of all the guys you know, and your feelings for them. And do it everyday, and think about all the new guys you meet. Being totally aware of my feelings is my safeguard.
Mmm.... shopping. Always fun.
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From: Brittany
To: Karen
yeh. i am sick of it, trust me. i just can't make it stop. no matter what I try. yeh I kno that it'll happen if its meant to, but its just so damn confusing sometimes. yeh, I wish I could hang around with people, I have nobody to hang around with. no one, espicially not Kevin. so I don't really have a way to get to know anyone any better. yeh, well our skool sure does have its share of hormone crazed idiots doesn't it? lol. idk, I just don't have the energy to worry with it anymore, its pointless, b/c I know that no matter what I always end up alone and heartbroken, whether its with guys or friends. i'm always the outsider, no matter who its with, even with Heather. so I've just gotten accoustumed to it and I just don't have the energy or will power to try and make things the least bit different. which means if a guy ever did actually like me (which will most likely never happen) I won't have the energy to work at it, because all that's ever gotten me before was pain. so I just give up. I said that after Brett but there was just something about Kevin and the way he treated me that made me think I had a chane. which was stupid because I knew that nothing would happen. I was just happy with the prospect of it, ya know?
oh yes. shopping. loads of fun *rolls eyes*
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its amazing, because she has said better and more truthful things to me than anyone else I know. and she listens. she a good listener, plus I guess it helps that she sort of knows Brett and I's past. her, Lane, and Kelly are the only ones, besides Mrs. Saunders, that knew anything real about it. so I'm sorry I ever doubted Karen's abilities. she knows quite a lot, I just never imagine that she would know so much about what I was going through. we may not have been the best of friends, but @ least she's there for me. everyone else I know has either left, been too busy, or just stopped caring. so I'll stick with Karen now. she's helping, more so than all that other shit I hear about how I just should get over him and shut the fuck up about it (yes people have said that and I know a few certain someones who say it and think, just not to my face). well those people obviously aren't very good friends now are they? so screw them. They didn't want to help me, well I'm sorry I ever tried to help them...
later,
britt