why do i feel like this? why do i feel lik shit almost all the time? why do i feel like im such a bad friend? why do i fear the loss of a friend? i dont understand this. i should be happy but im not...i should be feeling good but im not....why??? i havent quiet found the reason...sumtimes i feel like i shouldnt be here...dont ask me why bcuz i dont even no...im so confused right now...i had this weird dream last nite...it included ben...and a bunch of other friends...first it was this pool party at my house and everything was fine and then when everyone was leaving i didnt want him to leave...so i forget what happened but suddenly my parents r pissed at me and i decide to run away...guess who the last person i talk to b4 i leave is? yes of course...ben...and then i forgot what happened after that it was just soo werid....