well its been two years and ive stumbled upon this again. like any one is going to read this. but i will continue to do this. soooooo not a lot has happened...cept back in '06 i was with this awesome guy. I loved him to death cept there was one thing that was getting to me. he gave me a little too much attention. i wasnt used to it and i felt smothered. but then he went and kissed another girl...yeah i was a bit upset over it and well i didnt want to lose him so i forgave him and stayed together for another few months until we were arguing and i threw out the fact that i didnt go and kiss some one else. he ended it right there and then. well idk i wasnt too upset just because well i felt smothered by him. we remained friends for a few months after and he wanted to get back together but i was jjust confused i didnt no what i wanted. and i fucked up then, cuz then he found some one new, really fast. it hurt like hell cuz then it made me realized how much i loved him and wanted to be with him. and it was too late. there was nothing i could do. i lost him. as hurt as i was i said things to him that i would never ever say. trust me to this day i regret them all. i no i apologized for them and he told me he doesnt hold grudges, well i still regret them. soo we started talking via myspace it wasnt much, but it was enough to satisfy my lonliness. he was/is my best friend and not having him around kills me more and more each day. i just wish he new how much i was/am still hurting.he seems happy without me.....atleast thats what my mind is telling me...that i was no good to him, just pain. and now hes with some one who doesnt cause him pain, some one who makes him fully completely happy and full. i would give anything just to be his friend. just to talk to him again. but he wont because of his gf. and thats what kills me the most. ive never hurt like this and im pretty sure he could careless if i died. 8i feel soo completely alone, worthless and forgotten. and it sucks