what a fucking lousy day...jeeze im starting to relate to this book Catcher in the rye...is that a good thing? god...i just realized sumthing...im gonna be on fucking meds for the rest of my short life...i dont want that...im so tired of taking meds...im waiting for that day the dr. prescribes another one and causes me to od on them...hmm not a bad way to go out huh? well..i dont no what else to say... Cuz I’m losing my sight Losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine Losing my sight Losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine im just tired of sitting here and thinking about alll the people i hate...for certain reasons and i think its just jealous...and then the other day rhiannon mentioned sumthing to me...she told me how sheltered i a m..i agree with her...but now theres really no point to actually go out there any more...u no...theyll mention sumthing at school..and it will be sumthing that like everyone has to know what it is...but ill just sit there just agreeing to whatever theyre saying when i really dont understand...its so embarassing... then theres another thing that bugs me...i think sum of the 'friends' i have use me just for school work cuz they no i do the work... this happens every single day...i feel like im not really their friend u no? like they never ask me to hang out with them and stuff... i think im more of a loner...but every day i feel used mostly in this way...but when i hang out with my friends amelia, rhiannon, kara christina, and kelly...i feel like im not really part of theyre group...i feel like they dont really like me... i just try aand sit there not saying any thing but its building up inside and its really starting to hurt..especially since this year is almost over...see i cant really tell people this because they really dont no what its like...they'll just tell me "oh they like you why are you worried?" or sumthing like that but they dont no what its like...the feelings i have...i feel like im there for a joke...to be the stupid one...the quiet, nice one....im so sick of being known as the quiet nice one...i wish people knew me for other than that or whatever....sum of the people dont even no me but i wish they did...but idk...im really going on now...i should probably stop...bye