i wonder where ill be years from now and realize from the looks of it im not gonna be any better than i am right now...im feeling completely misrable...mostly cuz of this relationship...i envy others cuz i no they have it a whole lot better...what i really wanted in a reltionship was equality..id pay one time and he'd pay another...not i pay all the time and get to a point where i cant even afford gas...no thats not what i wanted...i want to be taken out to dinner sumtimes...i want to have presents or whatever...u no? at work i see this all the time...their boyfriend buying them clothes and such...but i mean i wouldnt ever ever take advantage of that...its just i would really like that for once...i can barely afford to buy myself stuff...im always buying him cigarrettes...food..and such...im getting tired of it....but theres really nuthing i can do...it sucks sooo much...lately ive been thinking i was much better off when i was single...i could basically do what i want...instead i feel like im fucking chained down...u no?