i need something to numb this pain something to make me feel worthwhile in this world something to help me believe the things you say sometimes it hurts when i look at you and think im monly here for pleasure and money i know i shouldnt feel this way but im so used to being hurt all the time i wonder what you see in me for months i havent been able to do stuff i used to do before the weekend even starts im flat broke paying for you and for me im having money issues, i cant afford this everyday every weekend ive been thinking about a second job yet, im still in high school yeah ive been having alot of issues lately...theyre mostly the same ones...u no..i pay for everything...i havent been able to really buy myself anything besides stuff from marshalls...i havent been able to go to the mall to just walk aruond and enjoy the atmosphere...ive been just paying for sean..for just about eevrything...b4 i met him i was having difficulty with money...but now its just worse...i really cant take it any more...i have trouble saying no...and i think he's taking advantage of that... i havent felt this misrable since b4 i met sean...hopefully friday i can have a day to myself and go to the mall with ashley...and make up for the loss time at the mall and buy myself stuff...the thing that also bugs me is that duringxmas...i had used my own gift card to a store to buy him a sweatshirt that he was admiring...my own fucking gift card...and what have i got from him? just a deck of edward scissorhands cards...and that sweatshirt ($22) wasnt eevn his xmas gift...im sooo fucking depressed right now.....