Dwayne is the best boyfriend i ever had....and it's not his fault for me not being happy. Dinner was wonderful, i'm just not used to people doing nice things for me...Infact, everything was wonderful until we were driving to my house and i saw pats truck in the driveway..it completely ruined the whole night...i walked in the door and he's like "woooo, you two look great!" Pat is a pervert, and there's no way i could have had decent pictures taken with him there...so i say "i feel really uncomfortable with him here"..and that is when he started getting his stuff to leave...i felt really bad and i still feel bad...i'm sick and i just feel like crying all the time...then i said "i'm sorry i just can't pretend everything is okay like mom can..."...i can't forget the cops being at my house 3 times in five days, i can't forget all the fighting, i can't forget it, i can't forget anything...and i can't forgive anyone...i'm not on anyones side because i hate them all....there is something inside of me that feels so damn empty....it's not fair to dwayne, at all..i don't know what to do...i just kind of want some time apart..but that won't make anything any better. Except, maybe he'll be happier...because then he won't have to face shit that he shouldn't have to face. my problems should be my problems, not his, and it's not his place to feel that he should fix them...my whole fucking life has been permanently fucked up and he's the only reason i'm still trying...honestly. I can't seem to find hope like i used to...i used to just lie to myself and say that everything would get better and it's not that bad..but i just can't do it anymore. Prom is just a waste of money...let's recap all the money spent...... -dress material $110 -Dress pattern $1.99 -Getting the dress put together and altered $55 -shoes $29.99 -Boutineer $6.38 -Corsage $30.00 - Tuxedo rental $100.00 - Prom tickets $50.00 - Dinner for two, homemade by bubbi $20.00 - manicure and pedicure $49.00 - Hair $20.00 - Film $15.00 - Disposable cameras $13.99 - Polaroid Film $30.00 - Professional prom pictures $60.00 ---------------------------------- Total Damage: $591.35 and for what? The intention of having that 'special' night you've been waiting for since 3rd grade.....and to have it ruined by the reality that your life sucks, you're afraid of people, you have no friends, your dress is poorly sewn and you feel like crying because you felt like a million before you got there, just to see that your dress sucked and everyone else's was beautiful....even the 300 pound girls dresses were prettier. all that you wanted was that beautiful plum puffy dress you saw in a catalog that you ordered....but being the bargain shopper that you are..and finding out that your mom's cousin sews and drycleans for a living..you call a stranger up to make your dress.... if i wanted to listen to crappy music, i could have stayed home and listened to it for free....there were 3 good songs....2 slow songs and britney spear's toxic... the only thing i am thankful for is a loving caring boyfriend....although everyday i think it's unfair for him to have to put up with me and all of my problems that cannot be solved.