It is done. Its over. And I feel so empty. I was sent home early, and cried. Cried myself home. I pushed myself up the stairs, and I cried harder when I collapsed into bed. I played the same Jacks Mannequin song on repeat for two and a half hours, and I cried. Last night, before I went to bed, I knelt down beside him and kissed his nose. I whispered to him that "He is the best ferret in the world." I apologized for being a shitty parent. And I told him to never forget that I love him. To never forget my face. Or my voice. Or my touch. To never forget me. I cant breathe. Hes in a blanket. In a box, on my bed. He looks like he's asleep. I wish he was only just asleep. Im trying really hard to be happy. I really am. Im trying to hard for me, and for all my friends. I baked a cake for my brother today, and I felt better. And happy. Im going to push myself to go to the show tonight. Im going to be happy for Mari. And Im going to cover him with hugs and kisses. And Im going to hug David. And Im going to talk to all my other friends. And Im going to hope to God that he talks to me. But, Im conflicted. And Im scared. And parts of me hopes he stays away. Help me. I feel like im drowning.