One month. One month since his deatb and it still doesnt feel real. Sometimes it hits me harder than anything when Im driving home alone in my car. From school, work, Chris's house. It hits me and I cry. I cry because I miss him. I cry because hes gone. I cry because I can never hear him laugh again. I cry because I wish things didnt end up this way, and I wish that it wasnt so abnormal to go back to life like it was before any of this ever happened. And I cry because Im scared. I get scared when Im with a boy. But this is different. I dont think Ive ever felt this way about a boy before. And I think i read in to things. And I get paranoid. And I get nervous that his feelings will change. I just want to be perfect for him. And I dont want to get hurt. How can you ever REALLY be sure that you wont get hurt? I dont think theres any real way of knowing. and that scares me.