Dont judge the music choice, haha. Its catchy.

So, WOW! Hi agian. It's been a while, and by a while I mean two years!!! I read through all my past entries yesterday after my dear, sweet best friend since Highschool reminded me of you. Needless to say, I cried. And cringed. And cried. And cried some more. Some of these memories are hard to read, and even harder to try and remember. Sadly, many of my anxieties and self-esteem issues are still quite a struggle for me, even now at 22. So, reading through them only made me more aware of what I struggle with today...and why. I have crazy, and terrible trust issues and its taken me a long time before I have finally realized I need to get help. Writing is just a part of my ongoing journey through therapy.

Where has the time gone? Jake and I have been together for over a year now. One year and almost six months. Amazing how time flies, and how the universe works itself out. I am very very happy and I can say that for real now. I am so in love, and that too, is finally for REAL. Not to say that I never loved Chris, because at one point I did, but that love was so self-destructive and I am so very aware of it now. I have been pretty traumatized by my past relationship, lots of things of which I dont even want to speak about, and its just eye-opening each and everytime I read through these last few years.

I also realize how immature, irrational, cruel-hearted, and malicious I was. Its hard to see all the things I said about people I truly do care for, and about. Im not proud of that but Im glad I got to see it for myself because it really helps to put things into perspective. I let my past relationship, and its destruction and, dare I dramatically say, its "evil" creep into every facet of my life. I was an angry person, and being with Chris helped to further that anger. I read through my past entries, step back and view my life now, and think how crazy it is that I crawled out of that dark hole.

Oooh man. I have so much more to write. Really. I can barely contain my excitement about being on here again, after losing hope that this site would never be back up and running!! But, I have been sitting in my bed all day playing Chrono Trigger on Nintendo DS and I should really do something...ANYTHING productive...even though it is almost 9pm.

Im happy to be back!