I cant even explain how I'm feeling. The more upset I feel, the more discouraged, the more disgusted, the more anxious, the more I want to be comforted...but every opportunity that arises for that comfort to take place...I insist on violently pushing it away....

I have the hardest time accepting the things that I desire the most. I find it impossible to accept the truth, to accept love, to accept reality, to accept comfort, to accept affection...Its been 23 years and I can't even find a way to accept myself.