I am dumb. A dumb stupid bitch. I dont even know why I cry sometimes. I dont even know why i allow things to upset me. I am too sensitive. I am to expectant. Hes trying so hard, and I can see it when he talks to me. He doesnt raise his voice anymore. He's calm with me and it's soothing. I wish I wasnt so negative. I dont even try to be. I just fight. I fight for freeedom because all my life that was the one thing that was taken away. My father never let me experience the joys of many things, and coming to age, I want to, now, experience them all. I love chris enough to give up freedom of passion. Thats how much he means to me. But there are still days where I test the limits and fight. Because there are days when my wants root deep inside me, and try and break loose. I am a free spirit. I want what I want, and I aim to get it. im trying to change. I'd say, all in all, ive done fairly well. Ive made millions of sacrifices for Chris. All things that I love. Its worth it. And I know it is. its hard. But worth it. I dont know why I get so scared some days. Im so dumb.