I'm confused as to how I feel. I think I am starting to feel a certain way, but I really am not sure...and I hate not knowing anything about how the future will go. It pisses me off. I feel better around him than any other guy I have ever met. He isn't a jerk with me, and isn't rude all the time like so many others. He doesn't pretend to be somebody he isn't. He's an actual person. I love that about him. Jordan seems to think that half the world's population is obsessed with me, but that's not even close to the truth. The guys that I'm interested in never seem to like me at all. It's really depressing. Or the guys that like me are not even close to being compatible. I mean, they may be good-looking and all that, but I still didn't feel right about being with them. Therefore I have never in my life had a boyfriend. But I like the idea of having a relationship with somebody that I can have intelligent conversations with, etc. As opposed to having lots of boyfriends, but none of them were good for me and were a waste of time. But he's really sweet. And I like being around him. And talking to him. It just frustrates me that I'm so fucking shy and quiet. I'm sure it isn't really attractive, and I need to get over it. Otherwise it may ruin whatever attraction he has towards me. If any. Another one of my paranoias is that he is way too good for me. I mean, who would honestly want to be with me? Nobody. Obviously. I'm not normal. Most guys seem to be bothered by that. I'm quiet. I'm not even close to being perfect, or even good enough for him. Sure people may think I'm pretty or whatever, but where has that gotten me in my life? Nowhere. I'm still alone. I don't know what it is about me that bothers guys so. But there must be something... I have found that most guys seem to enjoy treating me badly. And he's not at all that way. He's sweet and interesting and listens to good music and cute and...I don't deserve him. So he probably does not like me. I really don't know. This probably makes no sense. But I'm confused at the moment and I'm rambling...probably had too much soda or something. I guess we'll just have to see how things go with us. For now it's awkward, but who knows. Maybe it'll get better? I hope so.